Gas = Love?

A funny thing happened today. While out for lunch with our son and his significant other, Emily, we stopped for gas. I hopped out and put the credit card in the machine and then got back in the car while Mark pumped the gas. Emily asked me how long we had been married and I told her it will be 35 years this summer. "And he still pumps your gas!!!", she marveled. Hmmmm, I have never really thought about this, but yes, after all these years, he always pumps my gas for me.

It got me thinking about how people show their love. Hollywood would like us to believe it is grand gestures like a room filled with flowers, trips to exotic places, words shouted for all the world to hear. That is not reality for too many of us. Most of us are shown we are loved in simple ways that often might get overlooked. I haven't given any thought to Mark filling my gas tank until today when it was pointed out to me. He does it to show, in his quiet way, that he loves me and wants to take care of me. If I give it some thought, I realize he does many, small things like this all the time for me. I just need to open my eyes and notice....and enjoy it!

Verbal Sunshine

I have never been very impressed with movie stars. I watch people gush about this one or that one and I just don't see the infatuation. I am more impressed with the writers of the stories and movies in which the stars play a role. All you need to see is an interview with one of the "hunky stars" where they don't have written words to say and they speak off the top of their head. It is usually rambling and far from interesting! It proves my point that it is actually the words they speak while in character that makes them so "hunky", special or interesting.
Words are a very powerful things. Witness this power when you when give someone a complement. Their entire face can light up as a reaction. I truly believe you can make some one's day with a little "verbal sunshine". The beauty of kind words is that they are absolutely free to give! We cross paths with so many people in our day to day lives, think of all the "verbal sunshine" we can spread without reaching into our wallet. Most people can recall a memory from long ago where someone said something kind to them and it stuck in their head all these years later. That is priceless!

Feeling Happy

What makes you feel happy? Is it a fleeting moment or are you basically a happy person in general? Happy is not easy for most of us. We are constantly faced with challenges and situations in life that tend to pull us far from happy. Getting to happy and staying there is tough.
In one of my all time favorite movies, The Big Chill, the characters are all sitting around and discussing why one of their friends took his own life. They turn to his girlfriend and ask, "Was Alex happy?" She looks at them and says, "I'm not sure. How do happy people act?" It is a sad state of affairs when we have a hard time identifying happy.
After many studies and research on happiness in people, they have found one constant thread. People who get outside themselves and help others are generally happier than people who do not. It does not matter how you help others, just that you do. Often helping is defined by three things: time, talent or treasure. Time is simple enough. Do something for somebody else. Volunteer at a place that you share a passion for their cause. We all have talents. You may not think so right off the bat, but, I assure you, you have talents. You may be good at sewing, or gardening, or babysitting. These talents can be shared with others who need them. You enrich their lives by doing something you love anyways. That's a win - win situation. Then there's treasure. Treasure means you write a check. Some may say this is a cop out and too easy, but I disagree. Money can make things better for an individual or a group. Some people don't want to be "hands on" in their helping, but don't hesitate to write a check.
What a wonderful thing it is, that you start out doing something for someone else and end up feeling happiness wash over you. OUR world and THE world both become a better, happier place!

A Quiz

Sweet or Savory?
Bread or Dessert?
Morning Person or Night Person?
Chocolate or Caramel?
On Time or Late?
Flaky or Dependable?
Loner or Many Friends?
Happy or Sad?
Leader or Follower?
Annoyed or Annoying?
Stingy or Generous?
Loud or Quiet?
Salt or Pepper?
Beach or Mountains?

Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?

Girlfriends

I think that the importance of friends, especially girlfriends, cannot ever be overrated. Women seem to be able to foster close relationships with other women that sustain them in many ways that their relationship with the husband or boyfriend cannot. I think part of it is because sometimes, when women have difficulties in their life and discuss it with a man, the man wants to "solve the problem". Whereas, another woman will let you talk about it, dissect it, talk about it some more and often only offer a listening ear and a hug. Other women realize that the goal is not necessarily to solve the problem, but just to dwell, for a while, on your feelings about the situation. Sometimes this feels better than finding a solution and this is rather foreign to a man.
This is one of the reasons I feel, no matter how good your marriage or relationship is, never give up your girlfriends for a man. Often, young women have not learned this lesson and lose some dear girlfriends in the process. We, shall we say, more mature women, have come to realize the importance of making time for our girlfriends. They hold a place in our heart that no one else can.
"I value the friend who for me finds time on her calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult her calendar."

To Every Thing There is a Season...

This week, two things happened. Mark's uncle died and a friend had a baby. Now, I know, these two things happen all the time in the world, but it gave me pause to think about how quickly things change.
Mark's uncle was old and had been very ill for a long time. I think we call this passing a blessing on some levels. It still leaves a hole in the heart of many in his family who loved him and remember the vibrant man he once was. He may be gone, but the memories people have of him still remain. May they find comfort in that fact.
Then along comes a new baby. His new life is a book of blank pages for now. First, his parents will write parts of it for and with him and then, eventually, he will write the book himself. I think this is the hardest part of parenting; you can't write the book for them and you really want to do this. You want to spare them the hurts and disappointments that come with living. You want them to grow up to be happy, productive citizens. You want them to learn from your mistakes. After all, you are doing it "for their own good"; repeated words by too many parents to even count!
The latest "chapter" in my book involves my grandchildren. I watch their growth. I see their parent's frustration when they don't behave as they'd like them to behave. I feel my daughter's concern and worry for them like it were my own. I still want to write her book and make it all better. Silly me, I know, but loving someone is a pretty silly thing. Silly or not, I'm going to keep on doing it!

What Really Happened?

Have you ever watched a TV show where one character tells the story and then the other person tells the same story and they are TOTALLY different? I am convinced that there is no such thing as "what really happened", but merely each person's perception of what happened. I bet you have encountered this in your own life.
We see things that occur and we bring our past experiences, our attitudes and perceptions into these experiences. We can't help it. This is what shapes us and how we see the world. My grandma used to say, "No matter how thin you make pancakes, there's still two sides." Light words of wisdom that carry a heavy message. We get very stuck in our ideas and opinions and often find it hard to see the other person's side of it. It takes a big person to stop and really hear the other side; too busy talking, we don't really listen. Instead of telling someone what happened, maybe we need to ask them what they think happened. And then we need to listen...really listen.

Change

"Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations."
Many people are afraid of change. They stay in bad relationships, unfulfilling jobs or lopsided friendships just because they fear change. Sometimes, life forces us to change. In fact, it drags us into changes while we are kicking and screaming for all to remain the same. Same = safe while change = unknown.
We all have our own level of "comfort zone" and that can only be defined in our own way. We know when we step out of it because we feel a sense of nervousness or even panic. It doesn't feel good so why would we subject ourselves to feeling that way? Truth is, growth comes in those times when we venture beyond our comfort zone. We learn, we experience & we come to find out more about ourselves. We discover things we never thought we were capable of doing or being. The prickly, scary feeling becomes a sweet satisfaction of saying...WOW, YES, I CAN DO THIS!! We push the bar a little and create a new, expanded comfort zone. Try it some time. Results are not guaranteed, but anything is possible.

Rain

The weatherman has said we are in for eight straight days of rain and this is something of a phenomenon in CA. Personally, I think the weather people are wrong more than they are right, but as I write this, it IS raining. It gives me pause to consider the effects rain has on people.
I have been in construction most of my life so the rain has not really been my friend. It means no work, no $$, and scheduling headaches. It has less affect on us now, as much of Mark's work is inside and can go on during the rain. Of course, right now, he has a huge job ALL outdoors, so it has come to a standstill for this week. Oh, well. It will be there when the sun comes back out.
Driving by the car wash, I realize how it affects the lives of those guys drying cars and working for tips. And by the way, if you are one of those people handing them ONE dollar, PLEASE give them two or three. I look at it like this - overall an extra dollar won't mean much in my life, but it could in theirs.
Rain makes you look at your perspective; another chance to see how you look at life. Some people walk in the rain, while others just get wet. Which are you? Rain causes mud puddles, but it also means rainbows.

Blondes Tease...Redheads Please

As most of you know, I am a natural redhead. HA! HA! Actually, I like to joke that my husband has been with me through three hair colors! When we met in high school, I was a bleach blonde. My senior picture shows me with hair that is REALLY blonde.
Eventually, I got sick of the constant roots and decided to go back to my own boring brown color. I did it myself and it came out more grayish brown than brown brown. When the roots were about an inch or two grown out, I chopped it all off and let it grow in my natural color. What a process!
About 20 years ago, someone said to me, you'd look good as a redhead. Hmmm, I thought. Now that would be interesting for a change. I started slowly and just gave it a tinge of red over the brown. It got complements, fed the addiction, and a redhead was born. The red has gotten much more distinct over the years and often still gets comments. I met a new doctor for the first time and after we discussed my health she said, "Your hair color really suits your personality." Whatever did she mean?!
Red is a tough color to keep up. It fades as the month wears on and it has become a monthly bill. I sit in my hair dresser's chair every four weeks, without fail. I say it's because of the fading, but the strangest thing has happened. Where those roots were boring brown, they are now an ever increasing gray!! Right before I get it colored, I sometimes show my daughter these roots. She is appalled and makes me swear to never stop coloring it. She even promises she will have it colored every month when I am in a rest home. Gosh, that girl loves me!!!

Simple Pleasures

We all have simple pleasures that make us happy. One of mine is reading the newspaper in the morning over a cup of coffee. Oh, I know, newspapers are for us dinosaurs. This generation gets their news online, as it happens. You can read any newspaper from any where in the world on your computer screen. I read the MSN news feeds all day as well, but there is nothing that compares to the paper in the morning. See, that's part of it. I have to read it early in the morning, by myself. The news is "fresh" in the morning. I can't imagine reading it at night after work. Then it has become "old" news.
I know which day has the food section, which has the movie reviews, etc. As I walk out my front door and see that little bundle waiting for me on the sidewalk, it's almost a gift. It holds the promise of interesting things, knowledge and more. Over the last year, the Monday & Tuesday papers are so thin and paltry, I imagine they could fly away from lack of weight; cost cutting measures to save a dying patient. I can only hope they find a way to keep resuscitating it so this old dinosaur can keep her simple, morning pleasure.

Where Are Your Stamps?

I know in this fast paced world we are all into emails, texts, faxes, but I will never stop sending good, old fashioned cards and notes through the mail. Quick may be the way to efficiently get information from one person to another, but when it comes to touching a person's heart, I think nothing beats real paper!
I know how I feel when I discover a hand written envelope among the bills and ads that clog my mailbox each day. It makes me smile before I even open it. The very sight of it says that somebody cared enough about me to take the time to write something, address it, stamp it and put it in the mail. I love it! Often, I cut out an article that reminds me of a friend and send it off to them. It says two things. One, that I was thinking of them and, two, that I know them well enough to realize the article might interest them. It's almost like a long distance hug. All that for the price of a stamp! Now that's a bargain.

Manners

Ok, gotta complain a little here! I love to give parties and entertain, but I have a few gripes about it. First, why can't people be courteous enough to RSVP?? It means respond, people!! Tell me if you are coming or not! Don't think I just "know" you'll be there. I can tell you from experience, if people do not respond right away when they get an invitation, they usually forget to respond at all.
Much depends on a head count. I like to have the right amount of food and drink for my guests. I usually have "take home" treats. All these things equate to $ and time planning. Please remember this when you get your next party invitation, from me or anybody! Be kind enough to answer the hostess in the time frame she asked.
The other party complaint I have is the "no shows". Yes, I know, people get sick, babysitters flake, but I think most of the time it's just a lack of respect and consideration. They won't miss us if we don't show. No biggie, except when I will be eating Jalapeno's Mexican food for the next week with the leftovers!
Think what a better world it would be if we'd all be a little more considerate to each other...and RSVP and mean it!! :)
Thanks, I feel much better getting that off my chest!

"Our lives are changed by the books we read and the people we meet."

I have this saying taped to my computer. I love to read and would always pick a book over TV. My favorite author, by far, is Jodi Picoult. If you have not read her work, I highly recommend it. She has a way of pulling you along in a story that often includes the law, medicine, and family values. Usually, there is a twist at the end that you never predicted. Her latest, "Handle with Care" is one of her best. You can't go wrong with most any of them.
The second part of the quote is about people we meet. Being in sales, I meet and have to interact with all types of people. I think we are changed by the people we meet, some in small ways and others in big ways. Sometimes, we look at people we meet and think, "Boy, I don't want to be anything like them!" This, too has value. Witnessing the negative effect some have on others is a good lesson.
Often my quick tongue and sarcastic joking may hurt people in a way I did not intend. I must try and be mindful of this and be more careful to be sensitive to others. I would like to think I make people's day a little better, not worse, for having come in contact with me. As I am about to go out the door in the morning, my husband often says, "Play nice with the other kids." Simple words to live by...

Sunday Night Dinner

Remember when Sunday dinner was a big deal? Your mom probably made a big roast with all the sides and everyone was expected to be there. What seemed like such a pain long ago is now a wonderful thing to duplicate.
Sunday dinners are the night we try and make something a little special and open a nice bottle of wine. My son-in-law and I often collaborate on a BBQ dinner. Tonight it was at my house and it was total chaos!!! Noisy, kids running every where, adults talking and Pa getting stuck with most of the kid supervision. From the outside, it probably looked crazy and far from relaxing. It is also full of life and laughter. These are the ordinary times that create the memories and traditions. I hope when I am dead and gone, my grand children recall these boisterous Sunday meals and the fun we shared. I hope they continue the tradition with their own children and grandchildren.

Happy

"Not only is there a right to be happy, there is a duty to be happy. So much sadness exists in the world that we are all under obligation to contribute as much joy as lies within our powers."

This quote really spoke to me! We all need to ask ourselves if the people we encounter in our day are better off from having seen us or not. It is easy to jump on the misery wagon (especially these days), but I am going to try and stay on the happy wagon instead. It is harder to hang on to that wagon, but the ride is so much better!!