Sunsets

"It is almost impossible to watch a sunset and not dream.”

            While on a weeklong driving vacation, I told my husband that one of my goals was to capture a sunset photo each night. While this may sound easy, I mean after all, they happen every day, it proved to be a challenge. The photos above are the result of our efforts. Sometimes we stopped in a crazy spot on the side of the road, risking life and limb to grab the photo. Other nights we were lucky enough to just be where it was beautiful and an easy shot. Each one is different and yet similar. I’m not sure what the magic in a sunset is, but I am sure that each contains that magic. The beauty of the colors is part of it, but I think it contains so much hope and joy. Even if the day was not all good, ending it with a sunset proves that there is goodness in each day. The trick is to stop and notice it. Isn’t that true of so many things in our lives? Stopping and noticing is the key to finding joy.

Stop. Notice. Appreciate. Repeat.

Tales from the Fourth Grade

                When I was about to enter the 4^th grade, my parents received word that I had been accepted at Holy Family Catholic School in Orange. You would have thought it was Harvard by their overjoyed reaction! Up until that point, I had been a public school girl. Now the Sisters of St. Joseph would be looking out for my education as well as my spiritual growth.

                Sister John of the Cross was my 4^th grade teacher. I will never forget her! She was about four feet tall and four feet wide!  What she lacked in stature, she more than made up with her stern scowls and cross words. Strict discipline was her primary lesson every day. The ruler she carried around also added to her commanding presence. I was so afraid of her, I worried I might pee my pants as she approached my row of desks. Back in those days, a Catholic school classroom had about 45 – 55 students. It seemed the only way to contain that many kids was with this strict discipline, occasional threats and that darn ruler.

                Every morning, there were four math problems on the board that we were to solve as soon as we took our seats. Then, one unlucky student was selected to approach the board and solve all the problems in front of the class. This one morning, she called upon Thomas G. I actually remember his last name, but I’m protecting the guilty! Now we all knew that Thomas G. was the dumbest kid in our class. It wasn’t meant to be mean, it was just something we all knew. When he went up to the board, we all held our breath wondering what was about to come next. Thomas just stood there, like a statue. He didn’t even try to solve any of the math problems. Sister waited as long as her impatience would allow, then slowly approached Thomas. When she reached him, she said. “I’m going to knock your left eye into your right ear!” Of course she didn’t follow through on this threat but to this day, I can hear those menacing words and feel how very frightened I was.

                Fast forward two decades and my husband and I did what was called Marriage Encounter. It was a weekend of intense learning how to communicate with each other, share feelings, etc. It was held on the grounds of the Sisters of St. Joseph campus in Orange. After the first evening, as we were leaving to go to our rooms, there was a paper posted on the door of the meeting room. It was a list of every couple attending and the name of the sister who would be praying for them the entire weekend. As a scanned the list and found our names, guess who was the nun praying for us?! Sister John of the Cross!! I couldn’t believe this and had to explain to my husband the terror I felt during the fourth grade in her class. What were the chances that this particular nun would be praying for us??!! I shook my head in disbelief.

                Walking across the campus the next morning to breakfast, there was a nun coming towards us driving a little scooter. Lo and behold, it was none other than Sister John of the Cross! You can’t make this up! It felt like a movie script instead of my real life.  Sister wasn’t young when I was ten years old and now she was downright feeble. She clearly drove the scooter because she could no longer walk.  I felt compelled to stop her and explain that I was in her class many, many years ago and now she was praying for my husband and me. That scary, stern woman was the tiniest, sweetest little person who assured us we had already been in her prayers and she would continue to pray for us. She even smiled! There was no ruler in sight.  I will never forget the entire encounter.

                Coincidence? Maybe? I’d rather think it was God’s hand! Miracle moments occur in our lives all the time. We just need to notice them.

Biggsuzi

Spring

I need to look no further than the orange tree in my backyard to be reminded that spring is on its way. The tree is covered in white sweet smelling blossoms that will soon be oranges. After what feels like a long winter (it’s lasted two years, right?!), there is hope for the change of season and longer, sunny days to be outside. Spring is also a time when people talk about “spring cleaning”. While it is usually used in reference to clearing closets of clutter and putting an extra shine on parts of the house that we may have neglected, I’d like to also think about our own personal spring cleaning.

What do we need to get rid of? Anger? Hurt? Disappointment? The longer we live, the more likely these things have entered our lives and given us pause to wonder about the true nature of people. Yes, people hurt each other. It happens to everyone. It leaves its mark on our heart and, often, that mark runs deep. Sometimes we hurt each other consciously and other times, unknowingly. Either way, the damage is done. The trick, I think, is to not let these hurts and disappointments be in the center stage of our mind. Sure, examine them, feel them and then move on. Give them a small compartment in your head but not all of it. It’s been proven over and over, the thoughts we have now can control our future thoughts. Rather than seeing the bad, seeing the good opens up the possibility of more good entering our thoughts and our lives. Bad breeds bad. Good breeds good. It’s that simple and yet that difficult. Nobody wishes for a life of hurt and misery and yet, many of us have a life built on those things rather than joy and love.

So grab your mop and Pine Sol and start doing some spring cleaning. And while you’re at it, allow your mind to get a good spring cleaning as well. Both will make your life less burdened and give it a much needed shine.

Happy spring ~ in our houses, in our hearts and in our minds!

Biggsuzi

We Need to Talk

                I’m pretty sure I know four words that strike fear in most men. "We need to talk!" From my experience, it immediately causes them to think about heading outside to that “project” they’ve been meaning to do. They are suddenly on high alert and very wary about what comes next!

                A friend and I were discussing men and their feelings the other day. We both have been married a long time and we think we’ve come to know our spouses well. Feelings are not a top priority with our mates, discussing them even less so. I have decided men’s feelings are one of three things: hungry, horny or tired. Beyond these three feelings, they are caught off guard and on guard to what comes next in the discussion when we start it with those four words. I mean, we have never started a discussion with “We need to talk. What would you like for dinner? We need to talk. Let’s head to the bedroom. We need to talk. You look really tired.” See? Those four little words alert them that something big and deep is probably coming next! Warning! Warning!

Now I know it is not fair to draw a sweeping generality about this. There may be some very sensitive men out there who LOVE to discuss their feelings, I just don’t know them! No judgement, just observation. I think it’s mainly because men do not want to hash and rehash situations or problems. They are programed to solve the problem, not dwell on it. They are raised to fix things, not delve into how the problem makes them feel. They like to project confidence and strength and this is also a reason we love them. However, women often don’t want a solution, they want to dissect and study and probe the problem. This is like speaking a foreign language to men. This is why we have girlfriends!! Girlfriends speak the same language as us. They don’t mind a good dissection of a situation. They let us wallow a bit and usually help us help ourselves to find the solution. And even if we don’t find the solution, we usually feel better afterwards just by having the discussion.

None of this is meant to be a slight on our men. It is meant to help us all realize that they mean well, they love us and really do want to help us find the solution. Just don’t ask then how they feel about it! Remember, the only answers are hungry, horny or tired!!

How does that make you feel?!

Bruises

Train has a song called “Bruises” that says: 

“These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses
We all got bruises” 

Listening to it today (again) made me think about what defines us. We are all a product of our experiences. This includes both good and bad, wins and losses.  What makes some people live in the past, blaming their parents, their old bosses, their old partners for their current state of being?  When do we say, “Enough!” and own our own stuff? Yes, we’ve all got bruises. It’s part of life.  We have had experiences in the past that may have left us sad, lonely or confused. We have also had experiences that left us feeling joy, wonder and satisfied and, even for a while, with the thought that all is right in the world.

                How do we keep the negative roar down to a minimum so we can experience the quiet calm of peace? For me, I know the negative tapes run so much louder in my head than the positive ones. When the ugly “I can’ts” or “I’m nots” creep into my thoughts, I literally need to say to myself, “Stop.” It takes conscious effort to replace these thoughts with more positive ones.  I really like “I will have a good day today because I am ready for a good day.” Hokey? Maybe, but words are powerful and thoughts even more powerful. We attract what we think. It’s been proven over and over by people much smarter than me. When we appreciate something, we are willing the universe to please give us more! Recognizing when we fall back into old habits and negative thoughts, we have the power to change the tape running in our head and replace it with positive ones. Like any behavior we want to change, it takes time and practice.

                Hey, we all got bruises. 

Passion

                You may think this is a post about running, but it is not. It’s a post about passion. Recently, I was sidelined from running for four weeks. After getting back to it this last week, I realized it is more than about fitness and health for me. It is a passion I have discovered in myself very late in life. I never ran at all until I was 55 years old. Many people claim they would only run if someone were chasing them! They think it sounds like a terrible kind of torture. It’s not for everyone. For me, it is a time of reflection, prayer and peace. I have time to thank God for my blessings and beseech Him for many other things. I pray for the health of my family and friends. I pray that my grandkids make good decisions in their teen years. I pray for a softer heart and a kinder voice for myself. The list goes on and on.  I am in the outdoors (I hate my treadmill) smelling the air, seeing what’s going on in my neighborhood and staying alert so I don’t get hit by a car! Some days it is harder to get out the door than others, but I find on those days, the feeling at the end of the run is even more euphoric. Running has helped me lose weight, enhanced my mental health and proved to myself that I can do so much more than I think I can.

                I am here to challenge you to figure out what’s YOUR passion. Passion, by definition, is described as a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. Your passion could be crafting, volunteering, travel adventures, reading, knitting, bird watching and more. If you are stumped about what your passion might be, ask yourself these questions. In the last week, what gave me joy? What made me smile? What did I do and thought, “I wish I had more time to do this." Your passion is just that, yours! It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks (crazy old lady runner!), it matters what YOU think. I’m very sure passion comes from the heart and not the head. It requires a bit of curiosity and being a little brave to try something you hadn’t considered before now. I remember over a decade ago, asking myself, “Could I run a 5K?” I’m honestly not even sure where that notion came from, but I’m glad I allowed myself to step outside the box and find out. It has brought me so much joy over the years. I have set goals and achieved them. I have been to nine different states for a run and seen unforgettable sunrises. I have witnessed people helping other people over 13.1 miles that made me continue to have faith in the goodness of the human spirit. It’s given me a boatload of cool medals as proof of my accomplishments. All this because I decided to try something new!

                So, what’s your passion? Give yourself permission to be curious and seek the answer. Many people ask, “What’s my purpose? Is this all there is to life? Can there be more?” Finding your passion leads to finding the answers. Finding the answers leads to joy and contentment. Sounds good to me!

Define "Gift"

                We have never been big Valentine’s Day people. It seems like such a Hallmark, commercial manufactured event. Do we really need a day to remind us that we are supposed to love and cherish our “person”? Isn’t that something we should be doing most days?

                What has happened over the years, is the redefinition of a Valentine’s Day gift. Flowers (overpriced this time of year), candy (we really don’t need the sugar), dinner out (too crowded to even be fun). So, it seems our gifts the last decade or so has been on the more practical side. Isn’t that what long married couples do? “Honey, we really need new patio furniture. Let’s get it for each other for Valentine’s Day.” “Hey, did you see Costco has a really cool air fryer on sale this month? Maybe it’s time we get one. It can be our Valentine’s Day gift to each other.” “I ordered new nonslip socks from Amazon so my freezing feet won’t bother you in bed. Let’s call them my Valentine’s Day gift!” I think you get the idea.

                This year, it seems my Valentine’s Day gift is in the form of more improvements to my tortoise habitat. My kind husband, who shows his love by acts of service, added stucco and painted the wall that is around the perimeter. Now this may seem like a lousy, unromantic gift to you, but to me, it’s a treat. He has been VERY busy with work of late and things around our house have taken a back seat. You know, the shoemaker’s children go barefoot as they say! Overworked and tired and yet he found time to do this, not necessarily because he wanted to, but because he thought it would please me.

                So, if love is hearts, flowers, candy and sappy cards, I am not loved. If love is goodness, caring, and doing things for me, I am loved beyond measure!

                Happy wife…happy life.

Words

                I was relaxing today, mindlessly watching a series on Netflix and I heard someone say the best line. “I’m going now, but I’m leaving my prayers with you.” It just hit me what a wonderful sentiment that is.  What a kind and sensitive thing to say to someone! Can you imagine the goodness we could spread in this world if we all “left our prayers” with the people we encounter each day? It’s so much better than just saying goodbye. Thoughts matter and words matter even more. I have never been a fan of movie stars, but I have always had a deep respect for the people who write the words they say. The words are where the magic happens.

                Over the years, I have often said, “I appreciate it.” Lately, I have changed that to, “I appreciate you.” I have seen people’s faces light up when I say it. I have spoken my kindness directly at them. I can tell it matters. By changing that one word, I let people know that I specifically notice and care about them. I make it personal. I make it sincere. I make it about them. We all love when something is about us. I am reminded, once again, that making very small changes in our world can really have an impact, both on the giver and the receiver. It’s almost too easy. Why do we make it so hard?

                I’m going now, but I leave my prayers with you.

Small Things

                This world has been nothing short of tumultuous these past two years. It has divided families, ended friendships and left our country battered and bruised. At times, I hardly recognize the good old US of A. All this has left me, as well as many of you, feeling uneasy and anxious. I am a certified control freak and this makes me realize how little control I have of many things.

                When whatever I am feeling or doing seems too big, too scary, just too much, I have figured out a way to regain some of my calm. I do simple, ordinary things. I unload the dishwasher. I give the dog a bath. I straighten one drawer. Somehow these simple acts, that I can control, calms me and makes me feel a little less out of control and scattered. There is a lot to be said for small tasks like these. No, they don’t rid us of Covid or immediately return the world that once was, but they can make a small corner of my little world seem more tolerable. It makes me feel like I am still moving forward in this quest to find my peace and harmony. It reminds me that I can put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I can see small results from my efforts and that pleases me. Eventually, a lot of small results turns into big results.

                And if all else fails, there’s always a glass of wine…even better if it’s shared with a friend!

Grow Old with Me

I've been seeing lots on social media about posting a side-by-side photo of your prom and wedding photos. The picture on the left is 50 years ago this year! The wedding photo on the right is three years later. Back then, they let children get married!! What were we thinking? We thought we knew everything and as time went on, we realized, we knew almost nothing! Here's the thing about being together since a young age. You either grow up together or you grow apart. When you get married and say "I do" that is the easy part. It's a day all about you with food and friends and dancing and presents. The hard part is saying "I do" when you need a new roof, one of the kids is throwing up all night, when money is tight, when you are just tired of the same old routine. Those are the "I dos" that really matter. It's the time when one stops trying and the other one tries for both of you for a while and then you look up and realize, you are both trying again. It's not always fun, definitely not always easy, but after growing up together, we look forward to growing old together!

I am Still Learning

Recently, I found myself in very unfamiliar territory. I was on the receiving end of people’s kind gestures and good wishes.  I am usually the GIVER. I send the cards. I drop off food. I give. I am not a good receiver. It makes me uncomfortable, actually. Through these last few weeks, I learned a powerful lesson. You may think the lesson is one of gratitude, which, of course, I AM grateful, but it goes beyond that to a lesson I’d like to share with others.

When something happens to a friend, such as a death in the family, an illness or any other stressful situation, DO NOT say, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” “Do you need anything?” Let me tell you for certain, most people will not ask for anything. They will say they are fine. They will say they don’t need anything. The correct response, in my opinion, is JUST DO SOMETHING!!! Don’t wait to be asked because you may wait a long time, perhaps forever. The person, especially someone who is used to being the giver and doer, will probably NEVER ask for help. They may not even know they need help, but when the help arrives, unannounced, they will be eternally grateful. Help takes on many forms. It can be a meal prepared or store bought to be used when the recipient feels like it. It may be flowers, a card with a heartfelt message inside, a cozy blanket to wrap up in, indulgent snacks and trashy magazines or occasional texts or calls to touch base. What you do is not nearly as important as doing something! Again, don’t wait to be asked or told, JUST DO SOMETHING!! I can guarantee it will be appreciated and you will be a blessing in their life.

I said to my daughter last week, “How will I ever repay all these people?” She replied, “Mom, you don’t repay them. You pay it forward. You do something nice for someone else who needs it.” Ahhh, I have raised a wise daughter!

Even at my ripe old age, I am still learning! Thank goodness!