I've been MIA from this blog for the last year for good reason. November 2021, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 2022 was a difficult year to say the least. However, I like to believe that good comes from bad. I took last year to write a book about my journey. It is honest, sad and funny all at the same time. I am proud to say it is on Amazon. You can find it by searching my name: Susan Svoboda or the title:

I Hate the Color Pink. If you pick up a copy, I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

One in eight women in the United States will get breast cancer. The possibility of it touching you or someone you know is great. I hope this book offers some insight and comfort to those who read it.

Unsolicited advice - never miss your mammogram! 

Biggsuzi

Sunsets

"It is almost impossible to watch a sunset and not dream.”

            While on a weeklong driving vacation, I told my husband that one of my goals was to capture a sunset photo each night. While this may sound easy, I mean after all, they happen every day, it proved to be a challenge. The photos above are the result of our efforts. Sometimes we stopped in a crazy spot on the side of the road, risking life and limb to grab the photo. Other nights we were lucky enough to just be where it was beautiful and an easy shot. Each one is different and yet similar. I’m not sure what the magic in a sunset is, but I am sure that each contains that magic. The beauty of the colors is part of it, but I think it contains so much hope and joy. Even if the day was not all good, ending it with a sunset proves that there is goodness in each day. The trick is to stop and notice it. Isn’t that true of so many things in our lives? Stopping and noticing is the key to finding joy.

Stop. Notice. Appreciate. Repeat.

Tales from the Fourth Grade

                When I was about to enter the 4^th grade, my parents received word that I had been accepted at Holy Family Catholic School in Orange. You would have thought it was Harvard by their overjoyed reaction! Up until that point, I had been a public school girl. Now the Sisters of St. Joseph would be looking out for my education as well as my spiritual growth.

                Sister John of the Cross was my 4^th grade teacher. I will never forget her! She was about four feet tall and four feet wide!  What she lacked in stature, she more than made up with her stern scowls and cross words. Strict discipline was her primary lesson every day. The ruler she carried around also added to her commanding presence. I was so afraid of her, I worried I might pee my pants as she approached my row of desks. Back in those days, a Catholic school classroom had about 45 – 55 students. It seemed the only way to contain that many kids was with this strict discipline, occasional threats and that darn ruler.

                Every morning, there were four math problems on the board that we were to solve as soon as we took our seats. Then, one unlucky student was selected to approach the board and solve all the problems in front of the class. This one morning, she called upon Thomas G. I actually remember his last name, but I’m protecting the guilty! Now we all knew that Thomas G. was the dumbest kid in our class. It wasn’t meant to be mean, it was just something we all knew. When he went up to the board, we all held our breath wondering what was about to come next. Thomas just stood there, like a statue. He didn’t even try to solve any of the math problems. Sister waited as long as her impatience would allow, then slowly approached Thomas. When she reached him, she said. “I’m going to knock your left eye into your right ear!” Of course she didn’t follow through on this threat but to this day, I can hear those menacing words and feel how very frightened I was.

                Fast forward two decades and my husband and I did what was called Marriage Encounter. It was a weekend of intense learning how to communicate with each other, share feelings, etc. It was held on the grounds of the Sisters of St. Joseph campus in Orange. After the first evening, as we were leaving to go to our rooms, there was a paper posted on the door of the meeting room. It was a list of every couple attending and the name of the sister who would be praying for them the entire weekend. As a scanned the list and found our names, guess who was the nun praying for us?! Sister John of the Cross!! I couldn’t believe this and had to explain to my husband the terror I felt during the fourth grade in her class. What were the chances that this particular nun would be praying for us??!! I shook my head in disbelief.

                Walking across the campus the next morning to breakfast, there was a nun coming towards us driving a little scooter. Lo and behold, it was none other than Sister John of the Cross! You can’t make this up! It felt like a movie script instead of my real life.  Sister wasn’t young when I was ten years old and now she was downright feeble. She clearly drove the scooter because she could no longer walk.  I felt compelled to stop her and explain that I was in her class many, many years ago and now she was praying for my husband and me. That scary, stern woman was the tiniest, sweetest little person who assured us we had already been in her prayers and she would continue to pray for us. She even smiled! There was no ruler in sight.  I will never forget the entire encounter.

                Coincidence? Maybe? I’d rather think it was God’s hand! Miracle moments occur in our lives all the time. We just need to notice them.

Biggsuzi

Spring

I need to look no further than the orange tree in my backyard to be reminded that spring is on its way. The tree is covered in white sweet smelling blossoms that will soon be oranges. After what feels like a long winter (it’s lasted two years, right?!), there is hope for the change of season and longer, sunny days to be outside. Spring is also a time when people talk about “spring cleaning”. While it is usually used in reference to clearing closets of clutter and putting an extra shine on parts of the house that we may have neglected, I’d like to also think about our own personal spring cleaning.

What do we need to get rid of? Anger? Hurt? Disappointment? The longer we live, the more likely these things have entered our lives and given us pause to wonder about the true nature of people. Yes, people hurt each other. It happens to everyone. It leaves its mark on our heart and, often, that mark runs deep. Sometimes we hurt each other consciously and other times, unknowingly. Either way, the damage is done. The trick, I think, is to not let these hurts and disappointments be in the center stage of our mind. Sure, examine them, feel them and then move on. Give them a small compartment in your head but not all of it. It’s been proven over and over, the thoughts we have now can control our future thoughts. Rather than seeing the bad, seeing the good opens up the possibility of more good entering our thoughts and our lives. Bad breeds bad. Good breeds good. It’s that simple and yet that difficult. Nobody wishes for a life of hurt and misery and yet, many of us have a life built on those things rather than joy and love.

So grab your mop and Pine Sol and start doing some spring cleaning. And while you’re at it, allow your mind to get a good spring cleaning as well. Both will make your life less burdened and give it a much needed shine.

Happy spring ~ in our houses, in our hearts and in our minds!

Biggsuzi

We Need to Talk

                I’m pretty sure I know four words that strike fear in most men. "We need to talk!" From my experience, it immediately causes them to think about heading outside to that “project” they’ve been meaning to do. They are suddenly on high alert and very wary about what comes next!

                A friend and I were discussing men and their feelings the other day. We both have been married a long time and we think we’ve come to know our spouses well. Feelings are not a top priority with our mates, discussing them even less so. I have decided men’s feelings are one of three things: hungry, horny or tired. Beyond these three feelings, they are caught off guard and on guard to what comes next in the discussion when we start it with those four words. I mean, we have never started a discussion with “We need to talk. What would you like for dinner? We need to talk. Let’s head to the bedroom. We need to talk. You look really tired.” See? Those four little words alert them that something big and deep is probably coming next! Warning! Warning!

Now I know it is not fair to draw a sweeping generality about this. There may be some very sensitive men out there who LOVE to discuss their feelings, I just don’t know them! No judgement, just observation. I think it’s mainly because men do not want to hash and rehash situations or problems. They are programed to solve the problem, not dwell on it. They are raised to fix things, not delve into how the problem makes them feel. They like to project confidence and strength and this is also a reason we love them. However, women often don’t want a solution, they want to dissect and study and probe the problem. This is like speaking a foreign language to men. This is why we have girlfriends!! Girlfriends speak the same language as us. They don’t mind a good dissection of a situation. They let us wallow a bit and usually help us help ourselves to find the solution. And even if we don’t find the solution, we usually feel better afterwards just by having the discussion.

None of this is meant to be a slight on our men. It is meant to help us all realize that they mean well, they love us and really do want to help us find the solution. Just don’t ask then how they feel about it! Remember, the only answers are hungry, horny or tired!!

How does that make you feel?!

Bruises

Train has a song called “Bruises” that says: 

“These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses
We all got bruises” 

Listening to it today (again) made me think about what defines us. We are all a product of our experiences. This includes both good and bad, wins and losses.  What makes some people live in the past, blaming their parents, their old bosses, their old partners for their current state of being?  When do we say, “Enough!” and own our own stuff? Yes, we’ve all got bruises. It’s part of life.  We have had experiences in the past that may have left us sad, lonely or confused. We have also had experiences that left us feeling joy, wonder and satisfied and, even for a while, with the thought that all is right in the world.

                How do we keep the negative roar down to a minimum so we can experience the quiet calm of peace? For me, I know the negative tapes run so much louder in my head than the positive ones. When the ugly “I can’ts” or “I’m nots” creep into my thoughts, I literally need to say to myself, “Stop.” It takes conscious effort to replace these thoughts with more positive ones.  I really like “I will have a good day today because I am ready for a good day.” Hokey? Maybe, but words are powerful and thoughts even more powerful. We attract what we think. It’s been proven over and over by people much smarter than me. When we appreciate something, we are willing the universe to please give us more! Recognizing when we fall back into old habits and negative thoughts, we have the power to change the tape running in our head and replace it with positive ones. Like any behavior we want to change, it takes time and practice.

                Hey, we all got bruises. 

Passion

                You may think this is a post about running, but it is not. It’s a post about passion. Recently, I was sidelined from running for four weeks. After getting back to it this last week, I realized it is more than about fitness and health for me. It is a passion I have discovered in myself very late in life. I never ran at all until I was 55 years old. Many people claim they would only run if someone were chasing them! They think it sounds like a terrible kind of torture. It’s not for everyone. For me, it is a time of reflection, prayer and peace. I have time to thank God for my blessings and beseech Him for many other things. I pray for the health of my family and friends. I pray that my grandkids make good decisions in their teen years. I pray for a softer heart and a kinder voice for myself. The list goes on and on.  I am in the outdoors (I hate my treadmill) smelling the air, seeing what’s going on in my neighborhood and staying alert so I don’t get hit by a car! Some days it is harder to get out the door than others, but I find on those days, the feeling at the end of the run is even more euphoric. Running has helped me lose weight, enhanced my mental health and proved to myself that I can do so much more than I think I can.

                I am here to challenge you to figure out what’s YOUR passion. Passion, by definition, is described as a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. Your passion could be crafting, volunteering, travel adventures, reading, knitting, bird watching and more. If you are stumped about what your passion might be, ask yourself these questions. In the last week, what gave me joy? What made me smile? What did I do and thought, “I wish I had more time to do this." Your passion is just that, yours! It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks (crazy old lady runner!), it matters what YOU think. I’m very sure passion comes from the heart and not the head. It requires a bit of curiosity and being a little brave to try something you hadn’t considered before now. I remember over a decade ago, asking myself, “Could I run a 5K?” I’m honestly not even sure where that notion came from, but I’m glad I allowed myself to step outside the box and find out. It has brought me so much joy over the years. I have set goals and achieved them. I have been to nine different states for a run and seen unforgettable sunrises. I have witnessed people helping other people over 13.1 miles that made me continue to have faith in the goodness of the human spirit. It’s given me a boatload of cool medals as proof of my accomplishments. All this because I decided to try something new!

                So, what’s your passion? Give yourself permission to be curious and seek the answer. Many people ask, “What’s my purpose? Is this all there is to life? Can there be more?” Finding your passion leads to finding the answers. Finding the answers leads to joy and contentment. Sounds good to me!

Define "Gift"

                We have never been big Valentine’s Day people. It seems like such a Hallmark, commercial manufactured event. Do we really need a day to remind us that we are supposed to love and cherish our “person”? Isn’t that something we should be doing most days?

                What has happened over the years, is the redefinition of a Valentine’s Day gift. Flowers (overpriced this time of year), candy (we really don’t need the sugar), dinner out (too crowded to even be fun). So, it seems our gifts the last decade or so has been on the more practical side. Isn’t that what long married couples do? “Honey, we really need new patio furniture. Let’s get it for each other for Valentine’s Day.” “Hey, did you see Costco has a really cool air fryer on sale this month? Maybe it’s time we get one. It can be our Valentine’s Day gift to each other.” “I ordered new nonslip socks from Amazon so my freezing feet won’t bother you in bed. Let’s call them my Valentine’s Day gift!” I think you get the idea.

                This year, it seems my Valentine’s Day gift is in the form of more improvements to my tortoise habitat. My kind husband, who shows his love by acts of service, added stucco and painted the wall that is around the perimeter. Now this may seem like a lousy, unromantic gift to you, but to me, it’s a treat. He has been VERY busy with work of late and things around our house have taken a back seat. You know, the shoemaker’s children go barefoot as they say! Overworked and tired and yet he found time to do this, not necessarily because he wanted to, but because he thought it would please me.

                So, if love is hearts, flowers, candy and sappy cards, I am not loved. If love is goodness, caring, and doing things for me, I am loved beyond measure!

                Happy wife…happy life.

Words

                I was relaxing today, mindlessly watching a series on Netflix and I heard someone say the best line. “I’m going now, but I’m leaving my prayers with you.” It just hit me what a wonderful sentiment that is.  What a kind and sensitive thing to say to someone! Can you imagine the goodness we could spread in this world if we all “left our prayers” with the people we encounter each day? It’s so much better than just saying goodbye. Thoughts matter and words matter even more. I have never been a fan of movie stars, but I have always had a deep respect for the people who write the words they say. The words are where the magic happens.

                Over the years, I have often said, “I appreciate it.” Lately, I have changed that to, “I appreciate you.” I have seen people’s faces light up when I say it. I have spoken my kindness directly at them. I can tell it matters. By changing that one word, I let people know that I specifically notice and care about them. I make it personal. I make it sincere. I make it about them. We all love when something is about us. I am reminded, once again, that making very small changes in our world can really have an impact, both on the giver and the receiver. It’s almost too easy. Why do we make it so hard?

                I’m going now, but I leave my prayers with you.

Small Things

                This world has been nothing short of tumultuous these past two years. It has divided families, ended friendships and left our country battered and bruised. At times, I hardly recognize the good old US of A. All this has left me, as well as many of you, feeling uneasy and anxious. I am a certified control freak and this makes me realize how little control I have of many things.

                When whatever I am feeling or doing seems too big, too scary, just too much, I have figured out a way to regain some of my calm. I do simple, ordinary things. I unload the dishwasher. I give the dog a bath. I straighten one drawer. Somehow these simple acts, that I can control, calms me and makes me feel a little less out of control and scattered. There is a lot to be said for small tasks like these. No, they don’t rid us of Covid or immediately return the world that once was, but they can make a small corner of my little world seem more tolerable. It makes me feel like I am still moving forward in this quest to find my peace and harmony. It reminds me that I can put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I can see small results from my efforts and that pleases me. Eventually, a lot of small results turns into big results.

                And if all else fails, there’s always a glass of wine…even better if it’s shared with a friend!

Grow Old with Me

I've been seeing lots on social media about posting a side-by-side photo of your prom and wedding photos. The picture on the left is 50 years ago this year! The wedding photo on the right is three years later. Back then, they let children get married!! What were we thinking? We thought we knew everything and as time went on, we realized, we knew almost nothing! Here's the thing about being together since a young age. You either grow up together or you grow apart. When you get married and say "I do" that is the easy part. It's a day all about you with food and friends and dancing and presents. The hard part is saying "I do" when you need a new roof, one of the kids is throwing up all night, when money is tight, when you are just tired of the same old routine. Those are the "I dos" that really matter. It's the time when one stops trying and the other one tries for both of you for a while and then you look up and realize, you are both trying again. It's not always fun, definitely not always easy, but after growing up together, we look forward to growing old together!

I am Still Learning

Recently, I found myself in very unfamiliar territory. I was on the receiving end of people’s kind gestures and good wishes.  I am usually the GIVER. I send the cards. I drop off food. I give. I am not a good receiver. It makes me uncomfortable, actually. Through these last few weeks, I learned a powerful lesson. You may think the lesson is one of gratitude, which, of course, I AM grateful, but it goes beyond that to a lesson I’d like to share with others.

When something happens to a friend, such as a death in the family, an illness or any other stressful situation, DO NOT say, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” “Do you need anything?” Let me tell you for certain, most people will not ask for anything. They will say they are fine. They will say they don’t need anything. The correct response, in my opinion, is JUST DO SOMETHING!!! Don’t wait to be asked because you may wait a long time, perhaps forever. The person, especially someone who is used to being the giver and doer, will probably NEVER ask for help. They may not even know they need help, but when the help arrives, unannounced, they will be eternally grateful. Help takes on many forms. It can be a meal prepared or store bought to be used when the recipient feels like it. It may be flowers, a card with a heartfelt message inside, a cozy blanket to wrap up in, indulgent snacks and trashy magazines or occasional texts or calls to touch base. What you do is not nearly as important as doing something! Again, don’t wait to be asked or told, JUST DO SOMETHING!! I can guarantee it will be appreciated and you will be a blessing in their life.

I said to my daughter last week, “How will I ever repay all these people?” She replied, “Mom, you don’t repay them. You pay it forward. You do something nice for someone else who needs it.” Ahhh, I have raised a wise daughter!

Even at my ripe old age, I am still learning! Thank goodness!

Corona Depression

I am an event planner and a small business owner. Last Friday, March 13, 2020 at 9:00am I had five events on the books for the month of March alone. By 5:00pm that same day, four events had postponed and one cancelled completely. I sat at the table in stunned silence. Yes, I know this coronavirus is bigger than just me, but I am a small business owner. I get paid only when I work and provide a service. I don’t get a salary every other Friday like so many. I don’t have the security of a daily/weekly job. I make my own work. I promote myself. I am always letting people know what I do and offering my services. I am shameless in my self-promotion, and after all these years, it has served me well. It has brought me tons of business and referrals. I am not lazy. I love to work. I love what I do. But this is bigger than anyone can imagine. This will cause many small businesses to exist no more. Watch the FOR LEASE shoot up in your neighborhood strip malls in the next few months. You may feel sad and even annoyed that your local nail salon, independent restaurant, gym, etc. is no longer there. You may have to drive further to replace these services. You may have to get used to someone new providing these services. What I hope you also remember is that these people are most likely sitting in a chair at their house, wondering how they will pay their bills, pay their rent, take care of their family.

I explained the trickle down effect of economics to my granddaughter yesterday. Less work for me means I second guess every purchase.  Does my dog really need a new dog bed right now? Holding off on this small purchase means, the people who make the dog bed don’t get the order. The people who package the order have less work. The people who drive the shipment trucks to deliver the dog bed have less work. Each person affected by the slowdown asks themselves the same question before making a purchase, “Do I really need this?” So me not buying one simple dog bed, affects our economy exponentially. What is the prudent thing to do in these uncertain times? Spend or not? I am fortunate enough to have been in business so long, I have experienced many ups and downs and I am a good saver. I have financial breathing room, but who wants to dip into that nest egg? I also feel down because I love creating events. I get to make people happy. What good fortune, beyond money, that is! I wonder when the next time I will be able to do what I love. My crystal ball is broken and I don’t have a clue! My usual go-go-go has been replaced with stop-stop-stop. In the coming weeks and months, the landscape of our society will have vastly changed, some for the good and some for the bad.  It remains to be seen. One thing I know, we are all in this together. Like the sign says, “Closed but Still Awesome!”

PS. I bought the dog bed!!!

Piggy Bank

Recently, I read that a marriage is like a piggy bank. Every time we toss our mate a cross word, a harsh judgement, a stony silence or an “I told you so!” we make a withdrawal. And, likewise, each time we really pause and listen to them, we are thoughtful in some way, big or small or we are generous with praise, we make a deposit. Just like our actual bank account, if we only withdraw, eventually our account runs out of money. As we all know, this is a bad spot in which to find ourselves. I must admit, these past few months, I have been withdrawing money from my marriage piggy bank over and over and over again. It’s so easy to withdraw and after all these years, I justified that my marriage had become boring, He was boring. Is this it for the next 20+ years? I’d ask myself. The answer did not comfort me in any way. All my disappointment, anger and resentment was hurled across the dinner table or from the passenger seat of the car as we drove somewhere. It was ugly. I was ugly. Here’s the thing about my husband, he’s an eternal depositor. He deposits acts of kindness to everyone in his life, all the time. He takes care of all of us, whether it’s fixing something that doesn’t work, dropping and picking up grandkids constantly, showing up at games and practices to support his people unconditionally or asking if I need anything when he leaves the house. He is a depositor who asks very little for himself. I am ashamed to admit, I took his generous heart for granted. I almost crushed the very last drop of blood from that heart until it was shriveled and black. After reading the idea about the marriage piggy bank, I had an awakening. I had to stop being one who only withdraws. I had to find the good in each day, in this relationship, even if some days it was small. I had to start making deposits again like the old days. He began to notice that I was making these deposits in our relationship. A few days ago, he said to me, “I have loved you for 50 years. I’m not going to stop.” As I put these words to paper, I have tears in my eyes. He is a depositor. He always has been and always will be, but even a person whose first inclination is to see the good, do the good, be the good, can get weary. I thank God I made changes in me before it was too late. This is a terribly personal post about things that you may think should be left to the two of us and not for others to know. I disagree. Maybe you are finding yourself in a similar situation. Maybe you have been withdrawing way too much from the marriage piggy bank. I’m here to tell you, it’s not too late to start depositing, right here, right now. Truth is, the interest this piggy bank pays is amazing and worth every effort!

Kind Words

Some may not know this, but I work part time in a coffee shop ~ THE coffee shop known around the world! Lousy pay but excellent benefits and I get to interact with so many people and often their stories are laid before me in our short time together. One day, a mother and daughter came in and I noticed that the daughter, probably high school age, had on a head scarf and was clearly bald underneath. I assumed “chemo bald”.  As I took their order, the young girl slowly removed her scarf, all the while staring right at me. I continued to take their order, not missing a beat, but as they walked away, I looked at the girl and said, “By the way, you look beautiful. Your head has a perfect shape.” She smiled sheepishly and giggled a little. Her mother said, “I have told her the same thing since she was born, she has always had a perfectly shaped head.” They went off to wait for their order to be called and I continued with my line of customers. A few minutes later, I looked up to see the mother staring at me and when our eyes met, she silently mouthed, “Thank you!” I smiled and nodded ever so slightly. No need to thank me. I felt blessed to have this small interaction with them. Both of them remained on my mind the rest of the day. I was struck with the simple fact that a kind word to someone, even a stranger, can make their entire day better. It cost me nothing, but the return is priceless – for both of us!

What kind word will you offer someone today?

Just $5!

I have been known to offer my opinion or ideas on a variety of subjects. Sometimes these opinions are not solicited, but many times they are. I am older, been around the block as they say, and know a little bit about a lot of things. I have had many jobs in my lifetime. I have been many places. I have a creative side that likes to make things. Although I can’t draw or paint, I’m a force with a glue gun! I love telling others about great restaurants, places and events that are memorable for a number of reasons. I love to hunt for a bargain. I like to take the time to share the good parts with people. I strike up conversations with strangers in line, much to my best friend’s annoyance!  I have been known to even offer these strangers suggestions as well. I have often said, jokingly, that I would like to be the “$5 Answer Woman”.  Here’s how it would work. You come to me and ask me a question, ask for a recommendation, ask for my ideas. I will give you an answer, an idea, or my suggestion and you pay me $5! Doesn’t that sound amazing? With today’s prices, I am probably selling myself short at five dollars, but I want satisfied customers! I want returning customers that come back for more answers! Much like ladies of a certain profession, payment must be received before services are rendered! I will accept cash, check or Venmo! Maybe it's a little like Google or Siri, but how often do you ask them something and are not happy with their answer? This way, you get a real, live person! I can see it now, at your service, the famous $5 Answer Woman!! How can I abbreviate that on a personalized license plate!?!?

Got five bucks? What’s your question??

Sunshine in the Mail

What does your mail consist of these days? If it’s like mine, it consists mostly of advertisements (ugh) and bills (double ugh). Nothing very exciting or uplifting, to say the least. I decided I can’t change my own mail, but I can change other people’s. Now, whenever I see an article in the newspaper or a magazine that reminds me of someone, I tear it out, slap a little note on it that reads, “Saw this and thought of you.” and pop both in the mail to them. The key is, I do it right away!   Leaving it to do later usually means never! Just think, when they open their mail box, there among the bleak adult “stuff” is a tiny ray of sunshine. They open it to find nothing very important and, yet, may make them feel they are important enough for someone to take the time to send them this. What an easy, inexpensive way to make someone’s day! I know you might say, email is more immediate, but for me, not as satisfying. 

Often, we feel we can’t do anything big or great so we do nothing, but doing something, however small, may have big returns for the recipient as well as for us. You never know what seeds you plant, what the ripple effect of kindness can change, how we touch a heart that needed it more than we could know.

For the price of a stamp, will you send someone a little sunshine?

Who's On Your Crew?

When your life is smooth sailing, anybody can ride along in your boat. It’s easy, fun and lighthearted. Unfortunately, much of life cannot be described in these terms. More often than not, we face challenges, worries and troubles that eat away at our attempt at choosing joy. Instead of smooth sailing, we experience turbulent waters that sometimes make us feel like our boat is about to capsize. Who hangs with us during these times? I bet you can count these people on one hand, but count them you should, because they are the ones that truly matter. I can steer the boat by myself when the waters are calm. It’s when the storm threatens my safety that I need a crew to help me navigate through it. That’s the time those people I counted, really count!

Who’s on your crew?

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a funny thing. We often find ourselves in a situation where we just don’t want to forgive someone for hurting or disappointing us. We reason that they don’t deserve our forgiveness. They were wrong. They were mean. However, anger and resentment are heavy stones to carry around each and every day. Forgiveness lightens that weight almost instantly.

One of the hardest people to forgive is ourselves. We put lots of pressure on being better, smarter, kinder, skinnier and so on, and when we fall short, we often cannot forgive ourselves. I was talking with a woman last week and she told me, like many people, she started the New Year with great intentions. She had been exercising and eating healthy foods, but in the last few days, she, in her words, had “fallen off the wagon”. I looked right at her and said, “Forgive yourself and move on. Start again and keep going.” The look on her face can only be described as hopeful joy. She thanked me for saying those words and said that was just what she would do. Rather than dwelling on the failure of the past few days, she would forgive herself and move forward.

I must say these words, not only to others, but to myself as well.

Will you forgive yourself and move forward today?

Invisible

I realized something a little startling the other day. Sixty plus year old women are invisible. I am invisible. To whom you may ask? To everyone is my reply. I am invisible to the people shopping in the grocery store. I am invisible to the people in line at the bank. I am invisible to the few friends that I have. I am invisible to my children. I am invisible to my husband. No one sees an older woman.  It’s not in the fabric of our society today. I go about my business with the efficiency I have always had. I get things done. I make a list. I shop for food. I cook meals. I do laundry. I pay the bills on time. I grab a coffee. I keep it all running smoothly, all the while being invisible. It’s just what happens, I guess. I still think of myself as a witty, fun 30 year old. Then I pass a mirror or see my reflection in a window and am startled that an older woman is staring back at me. I hardly know her. She dresses mostly in black these days, probably to hide her diminishing figure and her thickening middle. When did that happen? Is that when I became invisible? I see a woman who seems to add wrinkles to her face on a daily basis. When did that happen? Is that when I became invisible? I see a woman who has more time on her hands and less to do. When did that happen? Is that when I became invisible? I see that look of polite indifference on people’s faces when I start to tell a story or offer advice. When did that happen?  Is that when I became invisible? I am at the point in my life where I am buying more sympathy cards than birthday cards. When did that happen? Is that when I became invisible? It’s like I am a drawing on a piece of paper and someone has started using the eraser at the bottom of my picture moving upward, and slowly but surely, I have been disappearing for some time. The eraser will finally reach my head and then my thoughts, dreams and memories will be erased along with me. Maybe that is actually a good thing. Then I won’t remember that I am invisible.

Biggsuzi