Piggy Bank

Recently, I read that a marriage is like a piggy bank. Every time we toss our mate a cross word, a harsh judgement, a stony silence or an “I told you so!” we make a withdrawal. And, likewise, each time we really pause and listen to them, we are thoughtful in some way, big or small or we are generous with praise, we make a deposit. Just like our actual bank account, if we only withdraw, eventually our account runs out of money. As we all know, this is a bad spot in which to find ourselves. I must admit, these past few months, I have been withdrawing money from my marriage piggy bank over and over and over again. It’s so easy to withdraw and after all these years, I justified that my marriage had become boring, He was boring. Is this it for the next 20+ years? I’d ask myself. The answer did not comfort me in any way. All my disappointment, anger and resentment was hurled across the dinner table or from the passenger seat of the car as we drove somewhere. It was ugly. I was ugly. Here’s the thing about my husband, he’s an eternal depositor. He deposits acts of kindness to everyone in his life, all the time. He takes care of all of us, whether it’s fixing something that doesn’t work, dropping and picking up grandkids constantly, showing up at games and practices to support his people unconditionally or asking if I need anything when he leaves the house. He is a depositor who asks very little for himself. I am ashamed to admit, I took his generous heart for granted. I almost crushed the very last drop of blood from that heart until it was shriveled and black. After reading the idea about the marriage piggy bank, I had an awakening. I had to stop being one who only withdraws. I had to find the good in each day, in this relationship, even if some days it was small. I had to start making deposits again like the old days. He began to notice that I was making these deposits in our relationship. A few days ago, he said to me, “I have loved you for 50 years. I’m not going to stop.” As I put these words to paper, I have tears in my eyes. He is a depositor. He always has been and always will be, but even a person whose first inclination is to see the good, do the good, be the good, can get weary. I thank God I made changes in me before it was too late. This is a terribly personal post about things that you may think should be left to the two of us and not for others to know. I disagree. Maybe you are finding yourself in a similar situation. Maybe you have been withdrawing way too much from the marriage piggy bank. I’m here to tell you, it’s not too late to start depositing, right here, right now. Truth is, the interest this piggy bank pays is amazing and worth every effort!