We Need to Talk

                I’m pretty sure I know four words that strike fear in most men. "We need to talk!" From my experience, it immediately causes them to think about heading outside to that “project” they’ve been meaning to do. They are suddenly on high alert and very wary about what comes next!

                A friend and I were discussing men and their feelings the other day. We both have been married a long time and we think we’ve come to know our spouses well. Feelings are not a top priority with our mates, discussing them even less so. I have decided men’s feelings are one of three things: hungry, horny or tired. Beyond these three feelings, they are caught off guard and on guard to what comes next in the discussion when we start it with those four words. I mean, we have never started a discussion with “We need to talk. What would you like for dinner? We need to talk. Let’s head to the bedroom. We need to talk. You look really tired.” See? Those four little words alert them that something big and deep is probably coming next! Warning! Warning!

Now I know it is not fair to draw a sweeping generality about this. There may be some very sensitive men out there who LOVE to discuss their feelings, I just don’t know them! No judgement, just observation. I think it’s mainly because men do not want to hash and rehash situations or problems. They are programed to solve the problem, not dwell on it. They are raised to fix things, not delve into how the problem makes them feel. They like to project confidence and strength and this is also a reason we love them. However, women often don’t want a solution, they want to dissect and study and probe the problem. This is like speaking a foreign language to men. This is why we have girlfriends!! Girlfriends speak the same language as us. They don’t mind a good dissection of a situation. They let us wallow a bit and usually help us help ourselves to find the solution. And even if we don’t find the solution, we usually feel better afterwards just by having the discussion.

None of this is meant to be a slight on our men. It is meant to help us all realize that they mean well, they love us and really do want to help us find the solution. Just don’t ask then how they feel about it! Remember, the only answers are hungry, horny or tired!!

How does that make you feel?!

Bruises

Train has a song called “Bruises” that says: 

“These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses
We all got bruises” 

Listening to it today (again) made me think about what defines us. We are all a product of our experiences. This includes both good and bad, wins and losses.  What makes some people live in the past, blaming their parents, their old bosses, their old partners for their current state of being?  When do we say, “Enough!” and own our own stuff? Yes, we’ve all got bruises. It’s part of life.  We have had experiences in the past that may have left us sad, lonely or confused. We have also had experiences that left us feeling joy, wonder and satisfied and, even for a while, with the thought that all is right in the world.

                How do we keep the negative roar down to a minimum so we can experience the quiet calm of peace? For me, I know the negative tapes run so much louder in my head than the positive ones. When the ugly “I can’ts” or “I’m nots” creep into my thoughts, I literally need to say to myself, “Stop.” It takes conscious effort to replace these thoughts with more positive ones.  I really like “I will have a good day today because I am ready for a good day.” Hokey? Maybe, but words are powerful and thoughts even more powerful. We attract what we think. It’s been proven over and over by people much smarter than me. When we appreciate something, we are willing the universe to please give us more! Recognizing when we fall back into old habits and negative thoughts, we have the power to change the tape running in our head and replace it with positive ones. Like any behavior we want to change, it takes time and practice.

                Hey, we all got bruises. 

Passion

                You may think this is a post about running, but it is not. It’s a post about passion. Recently, I was sidelined from running for four weeks. After getting back to it this last week, I realized it is more than about fitness and health for me. It is a passion I have discovered in myself very late in life. I never ran at all until I was 55 years old. Many people claim they would only run if someone were chasing them! They think it sounds like a terrible kind of torture. It’s not for everyone. For me, it is a time of reflection, prayer and peace. I have time to thank God for my blessings and beseech Him for many other things. I pray for the health of my family and friends. I pray that my grandkids make good decisions in their teen years. I pray for a softer heart and a kinder voice for myself. The list goes on and on.  I am in the outdoors (I hate my treadmill) smelling the air, seeing what’s going on in my neighborhood and staying alert so I don’t get hit by a car! Some days it is harder to get out the door than others, but I find on those days, the feeling at the end of the run is even more euphoric. Running has helped me lose weight, enhanced my mental health and proved to myself that I can do so much more than I think I can.

                I am here to challenge you to figure out what’s YOUR passion. Passion, by definition, is described as a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. Your passion could be crafting, volunteering, travel adventures, reading, knitting, bird watching and more. If you are stumped about what your passion might be, ask yourself these questions. In the last week, what gave me joy? What made me smile? What did I do and thought, “I wish I had more time to do this." Your passion is just that, yours! It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks (crazy old lady runner!), it matters what YOU think. I’m very sure passion comes from the heart and not the head. It requires a bit of curiosity and being a little brave to try something you hadn’t considered before now. I remember over a decade ago, asking myself, “Could I run a 5K?” I’m honestly not even sure where that notion came from, but I’m glad I allowed myself to step outside the box and find out. It has brought me so much joy over the years. I have set goals and achieved them. I have been to nine different states for a run and seen unforgettable sunrises. I have witnessed people helping other people over 13.1 miles that made me continue to have faith in the goodness of the human spirit. It’s given me a boatload of cool medals as proof of my accomplishments. All this because I decided to try something new!

                So, what’s your passion? Give yourself permission to be curious and seek the answer. Many people ask, “What’s my purpose? Is this all there is to life? Can there be more?” Finding your passion leads to finding the answers. Finding the answers leads to joy and contentment. Sounds good to me!

Define "Gift"

                We have never been big Valentine’s Day people. It seems like such a Hallmark, commercial manufactured event. Do we really need a day to remind us that we are supposed to love and cherish our “person”? Isn’t that something we should be doing most days?

                What has happened over the years, is the redefinition of a Valentine’s Day gift. Flowers (overpriced this time of year), candy (we really don’t need the sugar), dinner out (too crowded to even be fun). So, it seems our gifts the last decade or so has been on the more practical side. Isn’t that what long married couples do? “Honey, we really need new patio furniture. Let’s get it for each other for Valentine’s Day.” “Hey, did you see Costco has a really cool air fryer on sale this month? Maybe it’s time we get one. It can be our Valentine’s Day gift to each other.” “I ordered new nonslip socks from Amazon so my freezing feet won’t bother you in bed. Let’s call them my Valentine’s Day gift!” I think you get the idea.

                This year, it seems my Valentine’s Day gift is in the form of more improvements to my tortoise habitat. My kind husband, who shows his love by acts of service, added stucco and painted the wall that is around the perimeter. Now this may seem like a lousy, unromantic gift to you, but to me, it’s a treat. He has been VERY busy with work of late and things around our house have taken a back seat. You know, the shoemaker’s children go barefoot as they say! Overworked and tired and yet he found time to do this, not necessarily because he wanted to, but because he thought it would please me.

                So, if love is hearts, flowers, candy and sappy cards, I am not loved. If love is goodness, caring, and doing things for me, I am loved beyond measure!

                Happy wife…happy life.

Words

                I was relaxing today, mindlessly watching a series on Netflix and I heard someone say the best line. “I’m going now, but I’m leaving my prayers with you.” It just hit me what a wonderful sentiment that is.  What a kind and sensitive thing to say to someone! Can you imagine the goodness we could spread in this world if we all “left our prayers” with the people we encounter each day? It’s so much better than just saying goodbye. Thoughts matter and words matter even more. I have never been a fan of movie stars, but I have always had a deep respect for the people who write the words they say. The words are where the magic happens.

                Over the years, I have often said, “I appreciate it.” Lately, I have changed that to, “I appreciate you.” I have seen people’s faces light up when I say it. I have spoken my kindness directly at them. I can tell it matters. By changing that one word, I let people know that I specifically notice and care about them. I make it personal. I make it sincere. I make it about them. We all love when something is about us. I am reminded, once again, that making very small changes in our world can really have an impact, both on the giver and the receiver. It’s almost too easy. Why do we make it so hard?

                I’m going now, but I leave my prayers with you.