Witness

Children can be the greatest joy and the deepest frustration that anyone can know. So, why do we continues to have them? On a good day, that is easy to answer. They throw their little arms around you and tell you they love you. What's not to enjoy? The next day, this same little person will throw a three alarm temper tantrum right in the middle of aisle 7 in Albertson's. We would gladly trade them for a bag of apples!
I think people continue to have children because without a witness, we just disappear. Long after I am gone, my children, and, hopefully my grandchildren, will be able to recall stories and events that marked my life here on earth. I have spent a lot of time with my grand kids, more than most. Some people may think I'm crazy to be so involved. I just think I am lucky. Lucky that they are right around the corner, lucky that we all have dinner together most nights, lucky that they want to come to my house and see me, lucky that they demand my full attention to tell their stories, lucky that we have built up so many memories together that they will be my witness. There is a reason that we say someone is "gone but not forgotten". We never disappear as long as someone remember us.

Tacos & Pre K

My grand daughter came home from school about a week ago and informed me that she told her teacher that I would be happy to come and make tacos for the Pre K classes! Far be it from me to let her down, so today I went and made tacos for 32 five year olds. It was so much fun! Maddy, of course, was beaming with pride that her grammie was there and she was in charge of selecting who was to help, etc. I was amazed at how much the kids enjoyed eating the tacos with many getting seconds. We made a taco bar and told them to make their taco any way they wanted using only the things they liked. They thought this was petty cool.
Today, I am again reminded, it is the simple things in life that bring us joy.

Mom Talk

This cartoon was in today's paper and I laughed when I read it. I guess even in the animal kingdom, mom's say the same things! I am now watching & listening to the next generation say the same things to their children that we mothers, have said for ages. It made me stop and think of all the saying we mothers have in our arsenal of words and how, for the most part, they are still as ineffective today as they were when my kids were tiny. However, that doesn't mean we will stop using them!
"Don't hit your brother (sister)."
"I'm talking to you."
"Just a minute, please, can't you see I'm talking?"
"I said, don't interrupt."
"What are you doing out of bed?"
"Do you realize that could kill someone?"
"Hurry up."
"Did you go to the bathroom?"
"Why didn't you go before we left?"
"Can you hold it?"
"What's going on back there?"
"Stop it."
"I said, stop it!"
"Stop it, or I'm taking you home right now."
"That's it. We're going home."
"Give me a kiss."
"I need a hug."
"More, what?"
"More please. that's better."
"Go to your room"
"No, time out is not up."
"Stop yelling. If you want to ask me something, come here."
"STOP YELLING. IF YOU WANT TO ASK ME SOMETHING, COME HERE."
"I'll think about it."
"Not now."
"Ask you dad."
"We'll see."
"I'm sorry that's the rule."

And, in deference to this new generation:
"Stop looking at your cell phone and look at me."
"Stop texting your friend."
"Turn off that computer and go to bed."
"No, you can't play games on my iPhone."
"That better not be anything bad you're watching on You Tube!"

It's a thankless, exhausting, gratifying, glorious job we'll never not get paid for! Lucky us!!!

Shoes

I have loved shoes for as long as I can remember. I think it all began with this cute pair I found among my baby mementos. Who wouldn't love a lemon yellow pair of monogrammed shoes in size one?!?!
At different points in my life, I have owned between 150 and 200 pairs. It really was silly when I think about it because I still found myself wearing the same eight or ten pairs more than any of the other 140 pair. Decades ago, I favored four inch heels. Now I favor cute little flats and ballet slippers ~ still a fashion statement with consideration on comfort. I also now own five or six pairs of running shoes! HA! Who knew they would suddenly become important to me in my fifth decade?! At races, I find myself staring at women's running shoes to see what they are wearing.
I have been known to buy a pair of shoes that went with nothing in my closet and then went on to build an outfit around them. Ahh, it still makes me smile to think of it. I hope as I grow old, I can still wear some fashionable shoes instead of sensible ones. I have been sensible about most things in my life, but never my shoes!
"Funny that a pair of really nice shoes make us feel good in our heads ~ at the extreme opposite ends of our bodies."

Icebergs

"We are all icebergs. Ninety percent is under the surface."
I read this in a book tonight and it made me stop and wonder how true this is. Do we ever really know someone? All of them? Even in those we consider our closest friends and confidants, what lies beneath the surface?
We all keep parts of us to ourselves. It may feel too risky to show another human being our most vulnerable side. We fear judgement by others. We fear that giving voice to our darkest parts may make them more unbearable. Who wants to share these fears, imperfections and shortcomings? So we often bottle them up and stow them below the water's surface (iceberg). I always laugh when the news interviews the neighbor who lives next door to a horrific act. They seem to say the same things..."They seemed like such nice people." "He was a quiet guy who kept to himself." "I can't believe she was capable of such a thing!" Again, how much do we really know about someone else? How much do we want to know?
If we have a couple of people in our life that we can lower that ninety percent down, even just a little, we are lucky. Melt your iceberg a little. I dare you!

Women Rule

This sign was in a magazine I was reading over the weekend and it made me smile. I have a wall of signs in my laundry room. Each one hanging on the wall is witty, wise & makes me smile. They also represent some of who I am.
At first glance, you might think the sign above is the sign of a bossy, demanding woman, and, you might be correct. That being said, I also think it means something more important. Woman do
set the tone in the family. We are the ones who juggle all the balls in the air and make it look easy. We are the ones who keep the schedules, make the plans, run the show. When our kids were small, my husband would tell them, when mom's happy, we're all happy. He was right. My mood often set the mood of everyone in the household. As powerful and wonderful as this may sound, it also is quite a burden sometimes. How you say something carries more weight than what you say. The old adage about catching more flies with honey than vinegar is so true.
As I get older, I want peace in the kingdom more and more. So, just keep me happy, will ya?

Things I've Learned

My daughter, Amber, wrote a blog this week about the things she's learned while having a broken foot and in a cast for the past 6 weeks. It made me think that I, too, have learned a few things through this.

• There is a reason that AA and other addiction groups tell you to take it, "one day at a time" because if you looked at the entire time you had to do something, wait for something, overcome something, it would be so daunting you couldn't do it. Being able to put your head on the pillow at night and know you made it another day is an accomplishment.
• Being a receiver of kindness, rather than the giver is hard to do. People offered Amber help in the beginning and she just said thanks and left it at that. However, a week into this journey, we realized the kids were all reacting in their own way and could use some fun and attention. Amber scheduled play dates, outings, rides to school, etc. Every bit of it was a help to all of us. When you are so used to be the capable one, the giver and doer, being on the receiving end takes some adjustment.
• Even in a really lousy time in your life, good things happen that make you smile. This, once again, reminds us of how much our attitude and perspective affect our daily lives. Seeing that little ray of goodness can carry us through to the next day if we just see it.
• My daughter is stronger than she thinks. I am at a loss for words to describe how important she is to me. Yes, I felt like a pack mule sometimes, carting her computer, handbag, organizer, etc, in and out of the car , to and from places. We spent SO much time together during this ordeal doing very ordinary things, but we were together doing them. How many long distance mothers and daughters would do anything for that privilege?
• Finding the right words when someone is going through a rough patch in life is difficult. Being too positive annoys them. Agreeing that this sucks and is unbearable doesn't do much good either. What I have learned is that you need to just let me talk. They are not looking for a solution to the situation, they just need to vent. Listen, listen, listen.

The cast will be off in two weeks and life will slowly go back to "normal". I love that word because, really, what is "normal"? I have a sign in my laundry room that says, "Normal is a setting on the washing machine". Normal for me may be crazy for you and vice versa. That's okay with me. I like my "normal" just fine.

They Make Me Laugh

Probably one of the biggest compliments I can give you is that you make me laugh! I think people don't laugh enough. I read a quote somewhere that a preschooler laughs over 300 times per day and an adult less than that 15 times.
My grand kids are not only perfect and beautiful, bu they make me laugh every day! This morning, Jack demanded I get him some milk and I told him not to snap at me. He looked at me and said with all sincerity, "Grams, you know I can't snap yet. We've been practicing!" I stopped in my tracks and busted up laughing. He was totally right. We have been practicing how to snap our fingers. He took what I said to him literally and I found it so funny. These little ones know the meaning of life ~ laugh a lot, love even more and your days are all pretty good. While I am teaching him to snap, he can teach me these important life lessons. I think I have the better end of that deal!

Same 24 Hours

Ever notice how some days seem to zip by smoothly and others drag on as if they will never end? Much of how we perceive the time is what we happen to be doing. Generally, fun days go faster than unfun days. Vacation weeks are always quicker than work weeks. It's simple perception, but it makes me think about how much our thoughts play in how our day or week turns out.
We all get the same 24 hours every day; that is the constant. What we decide to do with it is completely up to us. Most of us have obligations, work and a "to do" list a mile long. The approach we take to these things can definitely affect the outcome. This is an empowering thought. We do have control, not in everything that happens in life, but in our reaction to it. I have been known to be the most negative person around and I have been called "tulips and potpourri" because I try to see the good in situations and people. One reaction weighs you down, the other lifts you up. Who wants to be weighed down? What good does it do anyone? Going forward, I challenge myself to be the one who sees the good more often than not. I want to lift people up, not weigh them down. Who knows, I might get a lift myself in the process.

Gifts

Last week, I had a secret appointment with a photographer, SEEN BY LAM, to take pictures of the three grand kids for Amber's Mothers Day gift. For anyone who doesn't have little people, let me tell you, this is easier said than done. It is hard enough to get a good picture of one of them, let alone all three together. As an adult, you have this idea in your head of what you want to capture in a photo, however, the little people have an entirely different idea. It makes for a challenging and crazy photo shoot. After stealing away the clothes from Amber's house one day, taking the kids out on some lame excuse, changing their outfits and wiping their faces, swearing them to secrecy, I can honestly say, it was worth all the effort! Of course, I am prejudiced with the subjects in the photos, but, even still, these pictures take my breath away. They reflect childhood, simple joy and happiness. All else falls away when I look at their faces. Each one has their own distinct personality and I love that Lam was able to capture this.

Amber's delight in receiving these pictures made the gift all the better. It truly is better to give than receive. Her joy made my joy over the photos grow even more. We are all so very blessed!

One of a Kind

What can you say about a man who shop vacs his lawn? I was watching him through the window over the weekend and couldn't resist snapping his picture.

My husband is an easy going guy who hates conflict of any kind. He avoids it, if possible. This is not to say he is a push over when it comes to everything. In fact, he is a man of strong convictions; he just doesn't need to shove these convictions down your throat. He does pretty much everything we ask him to do. He is the quiet force that holds it together in a crisis. He is the first one to give the babies his undivided attention, even after a long day. He loves all of us in his quiet, unspoken way and would defend his family, no matter what. He believes the world would be a better place if everyone would "just behave themselves". Simple truths make sense to him, like why it's a good idea to shop vac the grass!

Mothers

As Mother's Day approaches, it makes me pause and think about motherhood. I didn't have a great mom. She was a product of her mom, also not a great mom. I was determined not to be the next link in the chain. I have felt both successful and a complete failure at various times in my life with my mothering.
Looking back now, I think I expected way too much perfection in my children. What a waste of energy! We mothers think that anything our kids do or don't do is a reflection of us and the world will judge us because our kid dressed themselves this morning and everything is mismatched. Someone told me once that they have a saying in Japan ~ industrious mothers make lazy children and lazy mothers make industrious children. I understand the point. I probably did way too much for my kids and it did make them lazy in some ways, but they are also pretty great adults with kindness in their hearts, quick wits and fun to be around. Neither of them went to Harvard or got drafted for a major league sport. They are ordinary and yet extraordinary. Can I take credit for this? If you take credit for the great stuff, you better be ready to take responsibility for the bad stuff. Truth is, they were both planned, wanted and loved to the best of my ability. I have made some mistakes and for that, I am sorry. As we both get older, I think we have found ways to accept the quirks in each other and realize parenting is a hard job and no matter how many books you read on how to do it, the real truth is, you write the book as you go. I want it to end..."and they all lived happily ever after!"

What's Next?

Yesterday, I produced a wonderful Spring Boutique & Craft Show. Final numbers show that over 200 people walked through the doors to look, chat & shop with 36 vendors. Some came because they had a friend selling things, some because they saw the ads or the write up in the local paper. Although I have done the shows before, they were smaller and in my home, this was the first one that was at a public venue. I looked around at one point and saw all this activity, chatting, music and energy and thought, I created this! Wow! While I never promise the vendors a sale, I do promise that I will work hard to promote an organized event with the opportunity to show and sell their wares. At the end of the day, some were happier than others; some sold lots and some sold only a little. All agreed we had loads of traffic. My job, as promised, was done.
Most people would take time to rest and relax after months of build up and the long hours yesterday. Me, I just can't help but ask, "Now what? What's next?" Time to start thinking, planning & creating the next thing. Rather than sitting back on my laurels, I am itching to create something new. I don't say this with pride. It may not be a positive trait. It may actually be a character flaw ~ never satisfied, never resting, never being in the "now". Rather than enjoying the moment, I am racing to the next idea or event. Is it running to something or running away from something? I wonder...