Corona Depression

I am an event planner and a small business owner. Last Friday, March 13, 2020 at 9:00am I had five events on the books for the month of March alone. By 5:00pm that same day, four events had postponed and one cancelled completely. I sat at the table in stunned silence. Yes, I know this coronavirus is bigger than just me, but I am a small business owner. I get paid only when I work and provide a service. I don’t get a salary every other Friday like so many. I don’t have the security of a daily/weekly job. I make my own work. I promote myself. I am always letting people know what I do and offering my services. I am shameless in my self-promotion, and after all these years, it has served me well. It has brought me tons of business and referrals. I am not lazy. I love to work. I love what I do. But this is bigger than anyone can imagine. This will cause many small businesses to exist no more. Watch the FOR LEASE shoot up in your neighborhood strip malls in the next few months. You may feel sad and even annoyed that your local nail salon, independent restaurant, gym, etc. is no longer there. You may have to drive further to replace these services. You may have to get used to someone new providing these services. What I hope you also remember is that these people are most likely sitting in a chair at their house, wondering how they will pay their bills, pay their rent, take care of their family.

I explained the trickle down effect of economics to my granddaughter yesterday. Less work for me means I second guess every purchase.  Does my dog really need a new dog bed right now? Holding off on this small purchase means, the people who make the dog bed don’t get the order. The people who package the order have less work. The people who drive the shipment trucks to deliver the dog bed have less work. Each person affected by the slowdown asks themselves the same question before making a purchase, “Do I really need this?” So me not buying one simple dog bed, affects our economy exponentially. What is the prudent thing to do in these uncertain times? Spend or not? I am fortunate enough to have been in business so long, I have experienced many ups and downs and I am a good saver. I have financial breathing room, but who wants to dip into that nest egg? I also feel down because I love creating events. I get to make people happy. What good fortune, beyond money, that is! I wonder when the next time I will be able to do what I love. My crystal ball is broken and I don’t have a clue! My usual go-go-go has been replaced with stop-stop-stop. In the coming weeks and months, the landscape of our society will have vastly changed, some for the good and some for the bad.  It remains to be seen. One thing I know, we are all in this together. Like the sign says, “Closed but Still Awesome!”

PS. I bought the dog bed!!!

Piggy Bank

Recently, I read that a marriage is like a piggy bank. Every time we toss our mate a cross word, a harsh judgement, a stony silence or an “I told you so!” we make a withdrawal. And, likewise, each time we really pause and listen to them, we are thoughtful in some way, big or small or we are generous with praise, we make a deposit. Just like our actual bank account, if we only withdraw, eventually our account runs out of money. As we all know, this is a bad spot in which to find ourselves. I must admit, these past few months, I have been withdrawing money from my marriage piggy bank over and over and over again. It’s so easy to withdraw and after all these years, I justified that my marriage had become boring, He was boring. Is this it for the next 20+ years? I’d ask myself. The answer did not comfort me in any way. All my disappointment, anger and resentment was hurled across the dinner table or from the passenger seat of the car as we drove somewhere. It was ugly. I was ugly. Here’s the thing about my husband, he’s an eternal depositor. He deposits acts of kindness to everyone in his life, all the time. He takes care of all of us, whether it’s fixing something that doesn’t work, dropping and picking up grandkids constantly, showing up at games and practices to support his people unconditionally or asking if I need anything when he leaves the house. He is a depositor who asks very little for himself. I am ashamed to admit, I took his generous heart for granted. I almost crushed the very last drop of blood from that heart until it was shriveled and black. After reading the idea about the marriage piggy bank, I had an awakening. I had to stop being one who only withdraws. I had to find the good in each day, in this relationship, even if some days it was small. I had to start making deposits again like the old days. He began to notice that I was making these deposits in our relationship. A few days ago, he said to me, “I have loved you for 50 years. I’m not going to stop.” As I put these words to paper, I have tears in my eyes. He is a depositor. He always has been and always will be, but even a person whose first inclination is to see the good, do the good, be the good, can get weary. I thank God I made changes in me before it was too late. This is a terribly personal post about things that you may think should be left to the two of us and not for others to know. I disagree. Maybe you are finding yourself in a similar situation. Maybe you have been withdrawing way too much from the marriage piggy bank. I’m here to tell you, it’s not too late to start depositing, right here, right now. Truth is, the interest this piggy bank pays is amazing and worth every effort!

Kind Words

Some may not know this, but I work part time in a coffee shop ~ THE coffee shop known around the world! Lousy pay but excellent benefits and I get to interact with so many people and often their stories are laid before me in our short time together. One day, a mother and daughter came in and I noticed that the daughter, probably high school age, had on a head scarf and was clearly bald underneath. I assumed “chemo bald”.  As I took their order, the young girl slowly removed her scarf, all the while staring right at me. I continued to take their order, not missing a beat, but as they walked away, I looked at the girl and said, “By the way, you look beautiful. Your head has a perfect shape.” She smiled sheepishly and giggled a little. Her mother said, “I have told her the same thing since she was born, she has always had a perfectly shaped head.” They went off to wait for their order to be called and I continued with my line of customers. A few minutes later, I looked up to see the mother staring at me and when our eyes met, she silently mouthed, “Thank you!” I smiled and nodded ever so slightly. No need to thank me. I felt blessed to have this small interaction with them. Both of them remained on my mind the rest of the day. I was struck with the simple fact that a kind word to someone, even a stranger, can make their entire day better. It cost me nothing, but the return is priceless – for both of us!

What kind word will you offer someone today?

Just $5!

I have been known to offer my opinion or ideas on a variety of subjects. Sometimes these opinions are not solicited, but many times they are. I am older, been around the block as they say, and know a little bit about a lot of things. I have had many jobs in my lifetime. I have been many places. I have a creative side that likes to make things. Although I can’t draw or paint, I’m a force with a glue gun! I love telling others about great restaurants, places and events that are memorable for a number of reasons. I love to hunt for a bargain. I like to take the time to share the good parts with people. I strike up conversations with strangers in line, much to my best friend’s annoyance!  I have been known to even offer these strangers suggestions as well. I have often said, jokingly, that I would like to be the “$5 Answer Woman”.  Here’s how it would work. You come to me and ask me a question, ask for a recommendation, ask for my ideas. I will give you an answer, an idea, or my suggestion and you pay me $5! Doesn’t that sound amazing? With today’s prices, I am probably selling myself short at five dollars, but I want satisfied customers! I want returning customers that come back for more answers! Much like ladies of a certain profession, payment must be received before services are rendered! I will accept cash, check or Venmo! Maybe it's a little like Google or Siri, but how often do you ask them something and are not happy with their answer? This way, you get a real, live person! I can see it now, at your service, the famous $5 Answer Woman!! How can I abbreviate that on a personalized license plate!?!?

Got five bucks? What’s your question??

Sunshine in the Mail

What does your mail consist of these days? If it’s like mine, it consists mostly of advertisements (ugh) and bills (double ugh). Nothing very exciting or uplifting, to say the least. I decided I can’t change my own mail, but I can change other people’s. Now, whenever I see an article in the newspaper or a magazine that reminds me of someone, I tear it out, slap a little note on it that reads, “Saw this and thought of you.” and pop both in the mail to them. The key is, I do it right away!   Leaving it to do later usually means never! Just think, when they open their mail box, there among the bleak adult “stuff” is a tiny ray of sunshine. They open it to find nothing very important and, yet, may make them feel they are important enough for someone to take the time to send them this. What an easy, inexpensive way to make someone’s day! I know you might say, email is more immediate, but for me, not as satisfying. 

Often, we feel we can’t do anything big or great so we do nothing, but doing something, however small, may have big returns for the recipient as well as for us. You never know what seeds you plant, what the ripple effect of kindness can change, how we touch a heart that needed it more than we could know.

For the price of a stamp, will you send someone a little sunshine?

Who's On Your Crew?

When your life is smooth sailing, anybody can ride along in your boat. It’s easy, fun and lighthearted. Unfortunately, much of life cannot be described in these terms. More often than not, we face challenges, worries and troubles that eat away at our attempt at choosing joy. Instead of smooth sailing, we experience turbulent waters that sometimes make us feel like our boat is about to capsize. Who hangs with us during these times? I bet you can count these people on one hand, but count them you should, because they are the ones that truly matter. I can steer the boat by myself when the waters are calm. It’s when the storm threatens my safety that I need a crew to help me navigate through it. That’s the time those people I counted, really count!

Who’s on your crew?

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a funny thing. We often find ourselves in a situation where we just don’t want to forgive someone for hurting or disappointing us. We reason that they don’t deserve our forgiveness. They were wrong. They were mean. However, anger and resentment are heavy stones to carry around each and every day. Forgiveness lightens that weight almost instantly.

One of the hardest people to forgive is ourselves. We put lots of pressure on being better, smarter, kinder, skinnier and so on, and when we fall short, we often cannot forgive ourselves. I was talking with a woman last week and she told me, like many people, she started the New Year with great intentions. She had been exercising and eating healthy foods, but in the last few days, she, in her words, had “fallen off the wagon”. I looked right at her and said, “Forgive yourself and move on. Start again and keep going.” The look on her face can only be described as hopeful joy. She thanked me for saying those words and said that was just what she would do. Rather than dwelling on the failure of the past few days, she would forgive herself and move forward.

I must say these words, not only to others, but to myself as well.

Will you forgive yourself and move forward today?

Invisible

I realized something a little startling the other day. Sixty plus year old women are invisible. I am invisible. To whom you may ask? To everyone is my reply. I am invisible to the people shopping in the grocery store. I am invisible to the people in line at the bank. I am invisible to the few friends that I have. I am invisible to my children. I am invisible to my husband. No one sees an older woman.  It’s not in the fabric of our society today. I go about my business with the efficiency I have always had. I get things done. I make a list. I shop for food. I cook meals. I do laundry. I pay the bills on time. I grab a coffee. I keep it all running smoothly, all the while being invisible. It’s just what happens, I guess. I still think of myself as a witty, fun 30 year old. Then I pass a mirror or see my reflection in a window and am startled that an older woman is staring back at me. I hardly know her. She dresses mostly in black these days, probably to hide her diminishing figure and her thickening middle. When did that happen? Is that when I became invisible? I see a woman who seems to add wrinkles to her face on a daily basis. When did that happen? Is that when I became invisible? I see a woman who has more time on her hands and less to do. When did that happen? Is that when I became invisible? I see that look of polite indifference on people’s faces when I start to tell a story or offer advice. When did that happen?  Is that when I became invisible? I am at the point in my life where I am buying more sympathy cards than birthday cards. When did that happen? Is that when I became invisible? It’s like I am a drawing on a piece of paper and someone has started using the eraser at the bottom of my picture moving upward, and slowly but surely, I have been disappearing for some time. The eraser will finally reach my head and then my thoughts, dreams and memories will be erased along with me. Maybe that is actually a good thing. Then I won’t remember that I am invisible.

Biggsuzi