Domino Effect

A study was done at the University of California, San Diego that found strong evidence that performing a good deed for someone makes the receiver more likely to do something nice for someone else. The study provides strong evidence that cooperative behavior spreads from person to person. It becomes a domino effect, in which one person's kindness spreads first to three people, then to nine people, and then to even more people. They also found, after giving you become a more generous person who'll give to others more frequently. They are also happy to report, no one's immune to the kindness flu. It works whether you are a "Santa" personality or a "Scrooge" personality.
I did my own "pay it forward" in the line at Starbucks a few months ago and the person at the window suddenly became noticeably happier and animated. She told me that once, when someone did this in the drive thru line, it went on for 31 people; people paying for the coffee of the person behind them.
In a time when we are all pinched, for money, time, or even human kindness, maybe we need to take a look at this study and find a way to do our own little good deeds. Who knows the ripple effect you may cause.

Bashert

Currently, I am reading a book where the author talks about the Yiddish word "bashert". It translates, more or less, as soul mate. In the Jewish community, it means the one God has meant for you and you alone.
The story goes that before you were born, an angel appears to the soul of your infant self and takes you on a tour of your life. You get to visit your future. One of the things this angel shows you is the person whose soul is a match for yours. Then the angel strikes you beneath the nose, leaving that little channel in the skin between your nose and mouth that we all have. The blow causes you to forget what you have seen, but there is, somehow, a vague memory of what you saw and learned. Enough of a memory to cause recognition when you stumble across your bashert.
Now, personally, I am very skeptical of "soul mates". I remember years ago when a friend referred to she and her husband as soul mates and we teased her mercilessly for years about it! Is there one person, and only one person, for each of us? I doubt it. Too many factors come into play. I do love the notion of a bashert, though. Researching it further, I have found that finding your bashert doesn't mean a happy, perfect marriage. Throw that "human" factor in and you can have all sorts of outcomes in a relationship, especially one as challenging as a marriage. You can't discount the need for effort, dedication and a good sense of humor.
Now every time I scratch that little indent above my lip, I can't help but think of my bashert.

Backyard Camping

Grammie promised the kids we would set the tent up one night this summer and sleep in it all night. Last night was the night and we had so much fun. After making s'mores, suburbia style, we got into the tent and settled down. After lots of giggles, turning the flashlights on and off and talking, Jack was the first to drop off to sleep. Maddy was close behind him.

I am happy to report that everybody made it all night (including me!). I look at these pictures of the "adventure", as we called it, and can't help but wonder if they will remember this night in years to come. I think we do things, especially for our grand kids, for two reasons. One is for the experience of it, but the other reason is for the memories they make. The night in the tent is over and done. The memories of our time spent together is a lasting memory that we can recall fondly many time over. It is a gift that keeps on giving. Sigh...

Too Much?

I have come to love Facebook and the ability to communicate with loads of people with whom you might not otherwise stay in touch. It is fun to see pics of their kids or grand kids, hear about where they are going on vacation, etc. When is it too much or, as the young people have coined, TMI??? Do we need play by play of people's lives? "I am in Target." "I can't sleep & it's 3am." "I wonder what this rash is..."
My husband often accuses me of not having any filters before I speak as I tend to blurt out what is on my mind. On Facebook, I try and exercise a little more restraint. It its clear to me that many people don't use any filters when it comes to the open ended question, "What's on your mind?" People must feel a certain amount of false security sitting in front of their computer instead of an actual human being. We have become a people who better communicate when not in person; just ask the person who texts someone sitting in the same room! Progress brings the good, the bad & the ugly. And by the way, I still don't know what that rash was...

I Am A Promoter

I admit it, I LOVE to promote things. I love to sell ideas and concepts and things to other people. I am starting to promote the next boutique that I will be producing in October and it just gets me so excited. I love telling people about it. I love helping people with products they have see a better way to market the product. I love the energy and enthusiasm it takes to get other people as excited about something as I am.
My daughter HATES to sell or push anything. If we are driving in the car and a client calls, she tells me later how much she hates "that voice" I use to talk to them. I remind her that "that voice" has made me a lot of money in the past and, hopefully, will continue to do so.
It boils down to the fact that we all have different gifts. I think the biggest challenge for a parent is to help your child discover their gifts and then guide them to develop those gifts. As adults, we must continue to use the gifts we have and never stop discovering new ones. It keeps us young, our minds sharp and life interesting ~ sounds like a winner to me!

What %?

Amber asked what percentage of our little family trip has been fun and what percentage has been misery. Is that a funny, yet truthful question to ask? We took three kids, ages 2, 3 & 5 on a seven hour car ride. We went to several cities in a few days: Santa Cruz Boardwalk, San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge & lunch in Sausilito, San Jose Superplex Hockey Rink NARCh finals & the Billy Jones Railroad in Los Gatos. She is right, mostly fun, but definitely some grief mixed in too; tired children overdue for naps, bumper to bumper traffic some times and trying to make everyone happy. That means is it just like life...good and bad, happy and sad, beginnings and endings. Rather than expecting it to always be perfect and fun, the trick is to just experience it all, good and bad. Rather than looking for the next adventure, be here now and see the adventure you are in right now. Rather than wishing for it to be better, be thankful you are where you are with the people you love, even in its imperfection.

Are We There Yet?

Anyone who has taken a driving vacation with children will probably agree, "Are we there yet?" is one of the most asked question of childhood. When our kids were young, we did some car trips with them. Being the planner that I am, I would research the trip and interesting things to see along the way. Of course, my definition of interesting and their definition of interesting varied. I will never forget how we talked and talked about going to the Grand Canyon one spring break. After driving for what felt like ages, we arrived and stood at the edge of the Grand Canyon in all its glory. My son asked, "Where are the rides?" I think he was expecting an amusement park instead of a national park. BIG difference!
We are about to take off for a driving adventure this week with the grand kids. It will probably entail about seven or eight hours in the car, depending on the number of potty breaks we need to take. I have high hopes that it will be fun and entertaining for all. It, too, will have it's frustrating moments that are not so fun. After all, it is a family vacation and that means it will be one third fun and remembered fondly and two thirds aggravation that will be forgotten. If not forgotten, in years to come, we will spin the story so that the aggravating parts become the funniest, most eventful of all. This is what we will hold close in our hearts long after the actual trip is over.

Joy

My dearest friend's favorite word is JOY! (You know who you are A. C.!) By definition, joy means the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.

Looking at these pictures I took yesterday, the immediate word that comes to my mind is joy. It is not just happiness, but GREAT delight and happiness, just like the definition states. The biggest lesson I see here is that joy comes not from expensive things, but from simple pleasures shared with those you adore. My wish for you today is to find some joy before the day is over.

Triple Trouble

Just try and get a picture of all three of these busy creatures! It is nearly impossible. As they have gotten older, they tend to look and act how they want, not how I want! At first glance, the pictures are not even close to perfect, but then I study them further and see so much more. I see three, distinct personalities caught for a moment in time. I see silliness and smiles that jump off the page. I hold them in my arms trying to capture the "perfect shot" and realize, in its squinty eyes, arms raised, chocolate mouth, looking away and not at the camera way ~ they are perfect! Best of all, I am right in the middle of the action.

Rewriting Literature

Anyone who knows me, knows I love to read. The UPS guy regularly delivers me some new "friends" each month with the return address of Barnes & Noble. There is nothing quite like reading a book that grabs your attention so well that you hate to put it down and are even sad when it is over.
When I saw this cartoon in Sunday's paper, at first I laughed, but then thought a little more about how we are changing history with technology. Ask any English teacher out there and they will tell you that texting is ruining kids spelling and grammar skills. They are so used to communicating in their shorthand version, when they have to actually write a paper or a letter, they have difficulty.
I am not totally a dinosaur, however, and I do see some good coming from texting. It is a very convenient way to communicate with people, although you cannot convey as much emotion as you can by actually speaking to someone (voice inflection, tone, etc). I have a friend who's daughter never answered her phone. She would leave many messages and rarely get a return phone call. I suggested she text her and see how that worked. They now text each other several times a day and my friend feels she is more in touch with her daughter's daily life.
With all progress comes both good and bad. The trick is to figure out a way for it to make your life better, happier, fuller. Doesn't that sound like a good idea?

Essential Ingredients

When one says essential ingredients, most people automatically think of cooking. After all, ingredients are what we put into a recipe to make something to eat. However, I have been thinking about the words essential ingredients as they relate to life.
So much of what we have, especially things, are far from essential. I look around and see a house filled with things acquired over decades; many treasures to me, but far from essential. What are my essential ingredients? As unpopular as it may seem, money is one. Most people would first say love, family, friends, and I would agree. Money, however, is essential to living a decent life. I don't necessarily mean LOTS of money, but paying your bills and feeling somewhat secure helps you sleep at night. There is a saying, "I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better." Again, defining rich is up to the individual.
Another essential for me is to not only having my family, but to have them nearby. Occasionally, I wonder what would happen if Sean (my son-in-law) announced he was being transferred to another part of the country. I can't imagine my life without almost daily contact with my grand children. They make up such a huge part of our lives, what would fill that void? I am pretty sure nothing could. I hope I never have to find out.
After almost 35 years of marriage, some good years and so not so good, my husband is essential to me. Oh, you think, everyone says that, but maybe not. I consider myself a very independent person, able to meet problems head on, make decisions and move forward. His very existence and acceptance of me for all these years has allowed me to feel this measure of independence. I can stick my neck out there and make snap decisions, knowing he is quietly in the shadows waiting to help where needed. Maybe my independence is actually very dependant upon the kind of man he has always been for me.
Friendship is an essential ingredient for me and I think most women. We are better at tight relationships than men. I guess it is because we discuss more than the latest scores of a game with each other! Over time, friendships come and go; we find ourselves in different places through life's journey. Some people fall away from our life and others enter. As we age, I think we have different degrees of friendship. Maybe it just becomes too hard to fill someone in on over 50 years, so we only offer bits and pieces. It seems easier. The few friendships I have that have withstood the test of time are essential ingredients to me. Part of who I am is reflected in their eyes and how well they know and love me.
So, what are your essential ingredients? Looking at this question may help you to see what really matters and also help you let go of what doesn't.

Father Knows Best

Ask most people, they will tell you that they did not have "Father Knows Best" growing up. For you young readers, that was a TV show from the mid-50s through 1960. Everything was pretty small scale problems that could be solved without any yelling and dad always imparted his wisdom to make the kids see the right decision to make.
Most of us, including me, had a much different life growing up. My parents fought a lot and it should have been no surprise when they separated when I was in the 7th grade. However, it was a huge stigma for me because I was the only kid in the 7th grade of a Catholic school with divorced parents. Back then, you suffered and stayed married, no matter how loveless or awful the marriage was.
Many people love to blame their less than wonderful life on their parents or their upbringing. You know what I say to that? GET OVER IT!! When do you stop blaming others and take responsibility for your life? When do you decide to be the kind of person you want to be, not the victim of circumstances? I have joked many times that I should have been a drug using prostitute. I chose not to let my rearing make me the person I wanted to be. It has not always been easy, but what worthwhile thing is?
I have come to realize that sometimes our greatest gifts in life grow from what we were NOT given. It makes us stronger and able to make decisions on our own. It causes us to turn away from the past and face the future as we want to build it. When we stop blaming others and own our own existance, we have given ourselves the most important gift; one that cannot be taken away.