Small Things

                This world has been nothing short of tumultuous these past two years. It has divided families, ended friendships and left our country battered and bruised. At times, I hardly recognize the good old US of A. All this has left me, as well as many of you, feeling uneasy and anxious. I am a certified control freak and this makes me realize how little control I have of many things.

                When whatever I am feeling or doing seems too big, too scary, just too much, I have figured out a way to regain some of my calm. I do simple, ordinary things. I unload the dishwasher. I give the dog a bath. I straighten one drawer. Somehow these simple acts, that I can control, calms me and makes me feel a little less out of control and scattered. There is a lot to be said for small tasks like these. No, they don’t rid us of Covid or immediately return the world that once was, but they can make a small corner of my little world seem more tolerable. It makes me feel like I am still moving forward in this quest to find my peace and harmony. It reminds me that I can put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I can see small results from my efforts and that pleases me. Eventually, a lot of small results turns into big results.

                And if all else fails, there’s always a glass of wine…even better if it’s shared with a friend!

Grow Old with Me

I've been seeing lots on social media about posting a side-by-side photo of your prom and wedding photos. The picture on the left is 50 years ago this year! The wedding photo on the right is three years later. Back then, they let children get married!! What were we thinking? We thought we knew everything and as time went on, we realized, we knew almost nothing! Here's the thing about being together since a young age. You either grow up together or you grow apart. When you get married and say "I do" that is the easy part. It's a day all about you with food and friends and dancing and presents. The hard part is saying "I do" when you need a new roof, one of the kids is throwing up all night, when money is tight, when you are just tired of the same old routine. Those are the "I dos" that really matter. It's the time when one stops trying and the other one tries for both of you for a while and then you look up and realize, you are both trying again. It's not always fun, definitely not always easy, but after growing up together, we look forward to growing old together!

I am Still Learning

Recently, I found myself in very unfamiliar territory. I was on the receiving end of people’s kind gestures and good wishes.  I am usually the GIVER. I send the cards. I drop off food. I give. I am not a good receiver. It makes me uncomfortable, actually. Through these last few weeks, I learned a powerful lesson. You may think the lesson is one of gratitude, which, of course, I AM grateful, but it goes beyond that to a lesson I’d like to share with others.

When something happens to a friend, such as a death in the family, an illness or any other stressful situation, DO NOT say, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” “Do you need anything?” Let me tell you for certain, most people will not ask for anything. They will say they are fine. They will say they don’t need anything. The correct response, in my opinion, is JUST DO SOMETHING!!! Don’t wait to be asked because you may wait a long time, perhaps forever. The person, especially someone who is used to being the giver and doer, will probably NEVER ask for help. They may not even know they need help, but when the help arrives, unannounced, they will be eternally grateful. Help takes on many forms. It can be a meal prepared or store bought to be used when the recipient feels like it. It may be flowers, a card with a heartfelt message inside, a cozy blanket to wrap up in, indulgent snacks and trashy magazines or occasional texts or calls to touch base. What you do is not nearly as important as doing something! Again, don’t wait to be asked or told, JUST DO SOMETHING!! I can guarantee it will be appreciated and you will be a blessing in their life.

I said to my daughter last week, “How will I ever repay all these people?” She replied, “Mom, you don’t repay them. You pay it forward. You do something nice for someone else who needs it.” Ahhh, I have raised a wise daughter!

Even at my ripe old age, I am still learning! Thank goodness!

Corona Depression

I am an event planner and a small business owner. Last Friday, March 13, 2020 at 9:00am I had five events on the books for the month of March alone. By 5:00pm that same day, four events had postponed and one cancelled completely. I sat at the table in stunned silence. Yes, I know this coronavirus is bigger than just me, but I am a small business owner. I get paid only when I work and provide a service. I don’t get a salary every other Friday like so many. I don’t have the security of a daily/weekly job. I make my own work. I promote myself. I am always letting people know what I do and offering my services. I am shameless in my self-promotion, and after all these years, it has served me well. It has brought me tons of business and referrals. I am not lazy. I love to work. I love what I do. But this is bigger than anyone can imagine. This will cause many small businesses to exist no more. Watch the FOR LEASE shoot up in your neighborhood strip malls in the next few months. You may feel sad and even annoyed that your local nail salon, independent restaurant, gym, etc. is no longer there. You may have to drive further to replace these services. You may have to get used to someone new providing these services. What I hope you also remember is that these people are most likely sitting in a chair at their house, wondering how they will pay their bills, pay their rent, take care of their family.

I explained the trickle down effect of economics to my granddaughter yesterday. Less work for me means I second guess every purchase.  Does my dog really need a new dog bed right now? Holding off on this small purchase means, the people who make the dog bed don’t get the order. The people who package the order have less work. The people who drive the shipment trucks to deliver the dog bed have less work. Each person affected by the slowdown asks themselves the same question before making a purchase, “Do I really need this?” So me not buying one simple dog bed, affects our economy exponentially. What is the prudent thing to do in these uncertain times? Spend or not? I am fortunate enough to have been in business so long, I have experienced many ups and downs and I am a good saver. I have financial breathing room, but who wants to dip into that nest egg? I also feel down because I love creating events. I get to make people happy. What good fortune, beyond money, that is! I wonder when the next time I will be able to do what I love. My crystal ball is broken and I don’t have a clue! My usual go-go-go has been replaced with stop-stop-stop. In the coming weeks and months, the landscape of our society will have vastly changed, some for the good and some for the bad.  It remains to be seen. One thing I know, we are all in this together. Like the sign says, “Closed but Still Awesome!”

PS. I bought the dog bed!!!

Piggy Bank

Recently, I read that a marriage is like a piggy bank. Every time we toss our mate a cross word, a harsh judgement, a stony silence or an “I told you so!” we make a withdrawal. And, likewise, each time we really pause and listen to them, we are thoughtful in some way, big or small or we are generous with praise, we make a deposit. Just like our actual bank account, if we only withdraw, eventually our account runs out of money. As we all know, this is a bad spot in which to find ourselves. I must admit, these past few months, I have been withdrawing money from my marriage piggy bank over and over and over again. It’s so easy to withdraw and after all these years, I justified that my marriage had become boring, He was boring. Is this it for the next 20+ years? I’d ask myself. The answer did not comfort me in any way. All my disappointment, anger and resentment was hurled across the dinner table or from the passenger seat of the car as we drove somewhere. It was ugly. I was ugly. Here’s the thing about my husband, he’s an eternal depositor. He deposits acts of kindness to everyone in his life, all the time. He takes care of all of us, whether it’s fixing something that doesn’t work, dropping and picking up grandkids constantly, showing up at games and practices to support his people unconditionally or asking if I need anything when he leaves the house. He is a depositor who asks very little for himself. I am ashamed to admit, I took his generous heart for granted. I almost crushed the very last drop of blood from that heart until it was shriveled and black. After reading the idea about the marriage piggy bank, I had an awakening. I had to stop being one who only withdraws. I had to find the good in each day, in this relationship, even if some days it was small. I had to start making deposits again like the old days. He began to notice that I was making these deposits in our relationship. A few days ago, he said to me, “I have loved you for 50 years. I’m not going to stop.” As I put these words to paper, I have tears in my eyes. He is a depositor. He always has been and always will be, but even a person whose first inclination is to see the good, do the good, be the good, can get weary. I thank God I made changes in me before it was too late. This is a terribly personal post about things that you may think should be left to the two of us and not for others to know. I disagree. Maybe you are finding yourself in a similar situation. Maybe you have been withdrawing way too much from the marriage piggy bank. I’m here to tell you, it’s not too late to start depositing, right here, right now. Truth is, the interest this piggy bank pays is amazing and worth every effort!

Kind Words

Some may not know this, but I work part time in a coffee shop ~ THE coffee shop known around the world! Lousy pay but excellent benefits and I get to interact with so many people and often their stories are laid before me in our short time together. One day, a mother and daughter came in and I noticed that the daughter, probably high school age, had on a head scarf and was clearly bald underneath. I assumed “chemo bald”.  As I took their order, the young girl slowly removed her scarf, all the while staring right at me. I continued to take their order, not missing a beat, but as they walked away, I looked at the girl and said, “By the way, you look beautiful. Your head has a perfect shape.” She smiled sheepishly and giggled a little. Her mother said, “I have told her the same thing since she was born, she has always had a perfectly shaped head.” They went off to wait for their order to be called and I continued with my line of customers. A few minutes later, I looked up to see the mother staring at me and when our eyes met, she silently mouthed, “Thank you!” I smiled and nodded ever so slightly. No need to thank me. I felt blessed to have this small interaction with them. Both of them remained on my mind the rest of the day. I was struck with the simple fact that a kind word to someone, even a stranger, can make their entire day better. It cost me nothing, but the return is priceless – for both of us!

What kind word will you offer someone today?

Just $5!

I have been known to offer my opinion or ideas on a variety of subjects. Sometimes these opinions are not solicited, but many times they are. I am older, been around the block as they say, and know a little bit about a lot of things. I have had many jobs in my lifetime. I have been many places. I have a creative side that likes to make things. Although I can’t draw or paint, I’m a force with a glue gun! I love telling others about great restaurants, places and events that are memorable for a number of reasons. I love to hunt for a bargain. I like to take the time to share the good parts with people. I strike up conversations with strangers in line, much to my best friend’s annoyance!  I have been known to even offer these strangers suggestions as well. I have often said, jokingly, that I would like to be the “$5 Answer Woman”.  Here’s how it would work. You come to me and ask me a question, ask for a recommendation, ask for my ideas. I will give you an answer, an idea, or my suggestion and you pay me $5! Doesn’t that sound amazing? With today’s prices, I am probably selling myself short at five dollars, but I want satisfied customers! I want returning customers that come back for more answers! Much like ladies of a certain profession, payment must be received before services are rendered! I will accept cash, check or Venmo! Maybe it's a little like Google or Siri, but how often do you ask them something and are not happy with their answer? This way, you get a real, live person! I can see it now, at your service, the famous $5 Answer Woman!! How can I abbreviate that on a personalized license plate!?!?

Got five bucks? What’s your question??