Gas = Love?

A funny thing happened today. While out for lunch with our son and his significant other, Emily, we stopped for gas. I hopped out and put the credit card in the machine and then got back in the car while Mark pumped the gas. Emily asked me how long we had been married and I told her it will be 35 years this summer. "And he still pumps your gas!!!", she marveled. Hmmmm, I have never really thought about this, but yes, after all these years, he always pumps my gas for me.

It got me thinking about how people show their love. Hollywood would like us to believe it is grand gestures like a room filled with flowers, trips to exotic places, words shouted for all the world to hear. That is not reality for too many of us. Most of us are shown we are loved in simple ways that often might get overlooked. I haven't given any thought to Mark filling my gas tank until today when it was pointed out to me. He does it to show, in his quiet way, that he loves me and wants to take care of me. If I give it some thought, I realize he does many, small things like this all the time for me. I just need to open my eyes and notice....and enjoy it!

Verbal Sunshine

I have never been very impressed with movie stars. I watch people gush about this one or that one and I just don't see the infatuation. I am more impressed with the writers of the stories and movies in which the stars play a role. All you need to see is an interview with one of the "hunky stars" where they don't have written words to say and they speak off the top of their head. It is usually rambling and far from interesting! It proves my point that it is actually the words they speak while in character that makes them so "hunky", special or interesting.
Words are a very powerful things. Witness this power when you when give someone a complement. Their entire face can light up as a reaction. I truly believe you can make some one's day with a little "verbal sunshine". The beauty of kind words is that they are absolutely free to give! We cross paths with so many people in our day to day lives, think of all the "verbal sunshine" we can spread without reaching into our wallet. Most people can recall a memory from long ago where someone said something kind to them and it stuck in their head all these years later. That is priceless!

Feeling Happy

What makes you feel happy? Is it a fleeting moment or are you basically a happy person in general? Happy is not easy for most of us. We are constantly faced with challenges and situations in life that tend to pull us far from happy. Getting to happy and staying there is tough.
In one of my all time favorite movies, The Big Chill, the characters are all sitting around and discussing why one of their friends took his own life. They turn to his girlfriend and ask, "Was Alex happy?" She looks at them and says, "I'm not sure. How do happy people act?" It is a sad state of affairs when we have a hard time identifying happy.
After many studies and research on happiness in people, they have found one constant thread. People who get outside themselves and help others are generally happier than people who do not. It does not matter how you help others, just that you do. Often helping is defined by three things: time, talent or treasure. Time is simple enough. Do something for somebody else. Volunteer at a place that you share a passion for their cause. We all have talents. You may not think so right off the bat, but, I assure you, you have talents. You may be good at sewing, or gardening, or babysitting. These talents can be shared with others who need them. You enrich their lives by doing something you love anyways. That's a win - win situation. Then there's treasure. Treasure means you write a check. Some may say this is a cop out and too easy, but I disagree. Money can make things better for an individual or a group. Some people don't want to be "hands on" in their helping, but don't hesitate to write a check.
What a wonderful thing it is, that you start out doing something for someone else and end up feeling happiness wash over you. OUR world and THE world both become a better, happier place!

A Quiz

Sweet or Savory?
Bread or Dessert?
Morning Person or Night Person?
Chocolate or Caramel?
On Time or Late?
Flaky or Dependable?
Loner or Many Friends?
Happy or Sad?
Leader or Follower?
Annoyed or Annoying?
Stingy or Generous?
Loud or Quiet?
Salt or Pepper?
Beach or Mountains?

Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?

Girlfriends

I think that the importance of friends, especially girlfriends, cannot ever be overrated. Women seem to be able to foster close relationships with other women that sustain them in many ways that their relationship with the husband or boyfriend cannot. I think part of it is because sometimes, when women have difficulties in their life and discuss it with a man, the man wants to "solve the problem". Whereas, another woman will let you talk about it, dissect it, talk about it some more and often only offer a listening ear and a hug. Other women realize that the goal is not necessarily to solve the problem, but just to dwell, for a while, on your feelings about the situation. Sometimes this feels better than finding a solution and this is rather foreign to a man.
This is one of the reasons I feel, no matter how good your marriage or relationship is, never give up your girlfriends for a man. Often, young women have not learned this lesson and lose some dear girlfriends in the process. We, shall we say, more mature women, have come to realize the importance of making time for our girlfriends. They hold a place in our heart that no one else can.
"I value the friend who for me finds time on her calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult her calendar."

To Every Thing There is a Season...

This week, two things happened. Mark's uncle died and a friend had a baby. Now, I know, these two things happen all the time in the world, but it gave me pause to think about how quickly things change.
Mark's uncle was old and had been very ill for a long time. I think we call this passing a blessing on some levels. It still leaves a hole in the heart of many in his family who loved him and remember the vibrant man he once was. He may be gone, but the memories people have of him still remain. May they find comfort in that fact.
Then along comes a new baby. His new life is a book of blank pages for now. First, his parents will write parts of it for and with him and then, eventually, he will write the book himself. I think this is the hardest part of parenting; you can't write the book for them and you really want to do this. You want to spare them the hurts and disappointments that come with living. You want them to grow up to be happy, productive citizens. You want them to learn from your mistakes. After all, you are doing it "for their own good"; repeated words by too many parents to even count!
The latest "chapter" in my book involves my grandchildren. I watch their growth. I see their parent's frustration when they don't behave as they'd like them to behave. I feel my daughter's concern and worry for them like it were my own. I still want to write her book and make it all better. Silly me, I know, but loving someone is a pretty silly thing. Silly or not, I'm going to keep on doing it!

What Really Happened?

Have you ever watched a TV show where one character tells the story and then the other person tells the same story and they are TOTALLY different? I am convinced that there is no such thing as "what really happened", but merely each person's perception of what happened. I bet you have encountered this in your own life.
We see things that occur and we bring our past experiences, our attitudes and perceptions into these experiences. We can't help it. This is what shapes us and how we see the world. My grandma used to say, "No matter how thin you make pancakes, there's still two sides." Light words of wisdom that carry a heavy message. We get very stuck in our ideas and opinions and often find it hard to see the other person's side of it. It takes a big person to stop and really hear the other side; too busy talking, we don't really listen. Instead of telling someone what happened, maybe we need to ask them what they think happened. And then we need to listen...really listen.